So there’s been a recent spate of Social Media Certification courses spring up lately. Who knows, maybe they’re great? However, I feel that it’d be remiss of me not to jump on the bandwagon offer my expertise course if you’re interested. Please leave your name in the comments field and why you need this training and agreeing that my results may vary but you’ll still pay me the course fee money.
Official Social Media Person-Type Leader/Follower/Coach/Tutor/Guru/Expert Guy/Girl Certificate of Certification
Sponsored by the Best Upper Level Leveraging Strategy House in Town (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.)
Have you heard of that crazy thing called social media? Where you can be in the media (or not) and be social (or not)? No?
It’s ALL THE RAGE!
But don’t worry if you’re missing out – thanks to the Official Social Media Person-Type Leader/Follower/Coach/Tutor/Guru/Expert Guy/Girl Certificate of Certification, you too can become part of the socially media trend that’s hitting the nation.
For as little (or as much) as I choose to charge you, you will learn:
- Who are all these Twits this guy is talking about?
- How to do more on Facebook than just poke your best friend’s mom
- How to socially media market to people who aren’t even using social media
- Get a lifetime’s worth of knowledge in 20 minutes and a CD/DVD
- Me following you on your social media accounts so you have followers which makes people think you know what you’re talking about because that’s where the legitimacy and authority of my course really kicks in (punctuation not needed!)
That’s six five great offers!
One for every social media application being used today!! How about THAT for results??
And for the first 100 people that sign up, I’ll even give you a free link to a site of my determination that might (or might not) be worth your time.
But hurry – offer ends midnight (on some day or other!!)
Sponsored by the Best Upper Level Leveraging Strategy House in Town (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.)
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Tempting!
What luck! I've been looking for a new business partner. I help wealthy Nigerian oilmen transfer money to the New World. We give our partners 10 per cent for their troubles. Do you think we can work together?
Very clever. I would sign up, but I'm going to create my own certificate and only award it to myself so I can also call it exclusive.
Almost makes me want to quit my day job!
forget that, i have a much better offer!
i include everything you do PLUS a free social media pencil sharpener and your very own social media checklist (goes with the pencil). plus if you sign up now i will give you a free social media best practices pdf AND an autographed photo of me!!
ill also guarantee 10 new followers on twitter
15 new facebook friends
and a partridge in a pear treeeeee………
no seriously, my offer kicks ass, sign up now!
Jacob
Do you have a coffee mug offer? I need a new coffee mug. The travel kind.
I have a social media paper towel – I'll throw that in.
But it shouldn't be too small – big mugs are always better!
is shipping included?
Does it mention shipping?
Send me your email contact list and we'll talk.
Not exactly social so that makes my offer better – so there, neh!
For someone that calls himself "The Social Media Guy", I have to question your knowledge. Anyone who's anyone in the social media realm knows the partridge is in the echo chamber
Twitter: JamesAWoods
I think you misspelled a word.
Jolly good!
What percentage do you pay affiliates for links on you-too-can-make-$gazillions-in-your-sleep-internet-marketing blogs?
Affiliates? Affiliates? I don't need no steenking affiliates
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHA
Just what I need, another sheep…
Great post (as usual) Danny. I know there was a big uproar about this. The sad thing is that there are people new to social media that will fall for this. With all the recent press on social media by newspapers like The Los Angeles Times, people know how important social media has become, but they know little to nothing about how to go about utilizing it best. Sad, sad, sad that there are so many people ready and willing to jump on an opportunity like this and take advantage of others; especially during these tough economic times
In all seriousness, I agree, Jennifer. While this post is obviously from a humorous slant, there will be people that will hand over anywhere up to $1500 for what may be a good course, but (IMO) doesn't offer what real-life interaction and months/years of relationship building offers.
Got shammys? I would prefer a shammy.
Oh my God! Where do I send my check?? And how many zeros do you want on the end? Seriously, this is probably the best offer I've ever seen! Do you have a Twitter account with 3 followers and you are following 1,995 people?? I want to follow THAT one too! And will you autograph the paper towel holder so I can prove to people that I REALLY took part in the class???
The only thing I'll be signing is the deeds to my mansion after everyone signs up for my course. Now less talky, more signy-uppy
you, my friend, are a funny, funny man. Please sign me up and a course for all my friends too. You forgot to mention the first 50 applicants get a free Sham-Wow.
Sham-Wow *and* certification? I'm in. Danny — do we get a discount if we retweet this for you? LMAO!
Did you read the sales letter? Did it say anywhere I would sign you up? Please, you want to learn social media, you do the signing up.
Yeah, but do you offer a Black Belt in social media like seojudo.com? ; )
My favorites are the guys who email or call offering social media consulting services–then refer you to their blog and twitter accounts, both of which they started a month ago.
You're getting a spangly certificate and a returnable CD/DVD and you want a belt? How will that help?
Thankfully my Twitter account is at least 2 months old so I'm not in that camp
Love the post Danny, does this diploma have a t-shirt that goes with it? Gotta have a t-shirt and hat otherwise not official
Love it. Gotta find a way to sign-in or is that up??? You will be able to afford that upgrade pretty soon 
.
Harold
There will be a tee shirt awarded with the diploma for those that choose the Premium Option which is only a third more than the silver option which is double the basic option.
I love the way you made the text look like those sites actually do
I am frequently approached by people who want me to make them a site just like that but … really really need to know if I can make it look professional. Umm … no.
You're getting a spangly certificate and a returnable CD/DVD and you want a discount? And what is this retweeting business you speak of? Come to my social media certification class and let's talk then!
Danny, this is a testimonial for you. I'm a student of your closed and private coaching program you held a while back. I knew you were able to fill all 10,000 seats up in 2 hours so I hope you can recall my name.
"Other gurus take 12 hours to deliver the same content that you deliver in 20 minutes! That's a no-brainer. Being a social media guru has been my dream since childhood, now finally it may as well come true and I can work while sipping cocktails on the beach, working half an hour a day. Thank you. You are a hero!"
Thank you Hendry – and yes, I remember you. You were the guy that wanted to charge me $50 for a testimonial. Now you see the wisdom of me paying you $5?
Twitter: gacconsultants
Ah, a full dose of your humor : ) some great stuff Danny! Can I be a social media Guru too with your help? Do you offer financing? Can I get my "expert" certification in under two weeks with your course? Do you guarantee results? If you don't, I'll have to go with another course; I can get my money back with those – haha
Did you read the letter? It only takes 20 minutes with my course. And why would I refund money on a course you've already taken? Now, go sign up!
Twitter: southplatte
Hey, I have a guy on Twitter I started following – he offers Twitter courses and other "social media expert" courses. He seemed like a nice guy to follow at first, talking about marketing and stuff. But now, he just posts links where I can get $100 of his Twitter course…the page is style much like yours. So what gives? Are you going to give me a discount on your course? If not, I may have to find someone else to teach me how to be a social media "expert" and get me certified.
BTW – I tweeted this yesterday: "is it just me, or do sites with 80% of the text in blue & red in an <h3> bug you too? they remind me of infomercials, only worse"
I should send you money just for the laughs on this one!
Hey there Bill. Obviously this guy is a shark and you should stay away from him. I don't need to offer discounts because my course is the real deal. But feel free to send me the money for the laughs – I'll add it to your course fee, if that's easier?
Weeee! Danny, I just did a Google search on “social media certification” and you, Andy Quayle (@techbugh) and I are near the top! Hopefully our posts will make sincere folks take pause. In all seriousness, I just really don’t want people to be scammed and lose their hard-earned money…especially in this economy.
As for the scammers… I hope you don’t make a cent.
And thanks for the giggle…loved this post!
And you admit to Googling the term? Looking to get certified, Beth?
I read both yours and Andy’s posts – so true. I guess it’s the result when something starts to attract the mainstream – the fast-buck artists will make an appearance.
Sure, they might offer value and some insight – but you’re honestly telling me you can transplant years of ongoing learning and knowledge into hour-long video classes? Hmmm…
Always a pleasure to have you here, Beth