“You can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.” – Ricky Nelson.
It’s been an interesting last 24 hours. Abusive emails, character attacks on Twitter and questions about my ethics. Just another day in the life of.
Time is an interesting commodity.
On the one hand, we love it when time passes quickly so we can see a new movie, or buy a new product, or see a new date. On the other, we complain there’s never enough time in the day.
Online connections simply increase this problem. As we connect with new people on new networks, our availability factor goes down.
You don’t mean it to; you try avoid it; but it’s a simple fact that as we connect with more, the less we can offer. This may be less time for people you used to converse with more; less time for generic conversations; and less time for things in general.
Sure, you can use tools to help you manage your time better. Yet at the end of the day, the tools are only as good as the person using them, so perhaps I need to brush up on my time management skills.
Yet the attacks/criticisms that came my way over the last 24 hours would probably have come regardless of time management, by the nature of them. The suggestion of “having time for some people but not for others” being the main theme.
Again, it comes back to where to try and divert your time. While this isn’t an excuse as such, a lot of my time at the minute is taken up by:
- 12for12k
- Legal clearances for promotional materials for this month’s charity
- Conference calls with charity partners
- Social change events
- Client projects (since all 12for12k efforts are free of charge)
If you add in personal time, offering help where possible to people asking for advice and residency issues in Canada to name just a few, you might see where I can get sidetracked.
As I say, it’s not an excuse but an explanation. I appreciate the connections we have and I’ll try my best to manage them as best I can and help wherever I can. However, there will be times that some people and actions slip through the cracks.
So, here’s a suggestion.
If you’ve sent me something or asked me something and I haven’t responded in a couple of days, send me a nudge. Failing that, email me – my contact details are on this blog, or my website, or on my Twitter background. I’ll try my damnedest to respond.
And if I haven’t replied straight away, please don’t take it personally.
With regards the ethics question, I certainly don’t always make the best decisions but I always believe that whatever they are, they are for the right and ethical reasons. Of course, it’s anyone’s prerogative to doubt this, but I’m happy to live with my decisions.
How about you? Are you finding yourself with less time for the stuff that needs more time? How are you managing your conversations?
photo credit: Joshua Davis
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RT @DannyBrown: The more we connect, the more we lose touch http://bit.ly/6HRpl, Mr. Brown, I absolutely agree. I enjoyed reading your blog
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The More We Connect, The More We Lose Touch (by @dannybrown) http://tr.im/oe9y – I completely agree
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Danny- I feel you. There is so much in life that pulls us in so many directions.
We are a community, like a family- one big extended family. You are doing amazing work and are inspiring so many. Keep it up, and lean on others when you need to.
Cheers bud, appreciate it – and I know what community means to you, so double thanks.
It is so true. The interwebs are great for conversations, but just like any networking event or happy hour, a lot of times you don’t get a chance to really connect or say Hi to everyone you’d like to.
Time flies so quickly in this overstimulated world we live in…
Here’s the deal…if I tweet someone and they don’t respond, I might be slightly annoyed but I’ve learned not to take it personally because I’ve been on the other side of it too.
Danny, you’re a great guy, with genuine intentions and a huge heart. Clearly you give a darn because you wrote this post. I’ve been where you are…it doesn’t feel good, but as someone told me, it goes with the territory.
Keep on keepin’ on!
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I think that’s often one of the main things, Jessica, is recognizing that it’s not a deliberate action – it’s often simply a missed message or conversation. I guess we all like to feel that we’re being listened to, and it’s not nice if it feels the opposite.
I find myself in two quandaries Danny, the ability to connect to an unlimited number of people, along with the desire to help others – both have created a severe time crunch for me – and it’s simple math.
If I have 5 hours for 5 friends they each get 60 minutes, but when I have 5 hours for 100 issues (friends, contacts, events, follow ups) they get 3 minutes each. And every time I add another friend or cause or event to my schedule, that time shrinks yet again.
So I can sympathize with you on this dilemma, as even time management only helps incrementally. In the end, I know I’m doing the right things, and I’m constantly amazed at how such rich connections happen in the digital world, but I also feel a touch of guilt at not doing things as well as I would like. It’s awesome, and it’s tough, all at the same time.
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I hear you, Mark. I’m sure people may say that I should connect with less. While this may be true, it would mean that I could miss that one spectacular life-changing tweet, message or comment from someone that I might chat with once or twice a month. Do I want to miss that chance – I’m not sure I do.
It’s gauging how best to converse and monitor conversations that will make the difference. maybe.
And you’re doing awesome work on the social change front, my friend, that much is clear so your connections are working.
Ay yi yi! I could have written this very thing. But I’d have to add in the pangs of guilt I feel when I don’t get back to people within 18hrs – it’s more like 3 to 4 biz days. I was even thinking of changing up my signature to pretty much include all of the above post just to pre-empt the hate mail.
So yes, I definitely get how this can happen. On a side note, if I can help out with anything, lemme know.
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Thanks Shannon, appreciate that. Maybe Twitter needs to extend their bio space?
Hey Danny,
While I am not aware of the attacks and criticism you are referring to, I feel for ya!
Time management is a skill I think many of us, especially myself, can improve upon.Your title to the post could not be more on point!
Like yourself, I have a couple side projects going on, as well as running my own marketing/consulting business and helping out as much as possible with 12for12K (cos 12for12K ROCKS!).
I will say this though… I am honored to have you as a friend here in the interwebs. Just think, if not for Twitter, we would never have met, and I would not be involved with 12for12K.
Go crack open a brew my friend, in fact let’s all raise our beverages to Danny… one of the most genuine guys I have ever met… online or off!
Doc
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It’s one of the reasons I’m loathe to cut back on connections- the fact that we met and others meet, and go on to become friends and do great things together. Sure, tools are available to clean dormant connections which helps. Yet the remaining ones – tough to try and purge.
A beer sounds good, fella – cheers!
Once again, Danny — you’ve said something that someone else wouldn’t have had the heart and tact to say
I completely understand, and feel you on everything you said. Often times, I have to just upset people because I have to disconnect or have so many tasks pulling me in so many ways — it’s impossible to please everyone.
Bill Cosby once said something to the effect of, We may not know the one path to success, but you can bet the sure path to failure is trying to please everyone… it’s impossible!
Great post!
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And people thought Bill Cosby is just a comic…
Thanks Maria. I may have to take up some of your approach – it was much needed on our conference call the other evening for sure (and much appreciated too!).
Hey Danny;
I have to agree with you about being pulled in many conversations as the conversations grow. I have also found that this issue is compounded further when part of your social engagements are with people not in the social media or online space where they do not understand why correspondence such as phone, email or even text is delayed. Sometimes I question if real-time multi-threaded conversations are creating less quality and just more quantity
That’s a good point, Lucas.
Perhaps real-time connections and social networks are creating this barrier to more traditional communication, much like incompatible games systems or computer hardware.
Perhaps today’s pace of living also has an effect, where you need to be in certain places at a given time and it affects other tasks or connections.
It’s certainly becoming more visible, as I’ve seen similar comments and conversations elsewhere about the connectivity (or lack of) as we move forward.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Danny – I know just what you mean. When you asked about upgrade issues earlier today I actually felt guilty that I couldn’t offer more help
I really wanted to but I’ve reached a point where I can’t offer free help to everyone even if I really really like that person. I’m not saying you were asking for anything – I voluntarily answered your questions but I still felt like I should be doing more. Maybe it can be hard to be connected to so many people when you’re a kind and giving person …?
No need for guilt, Kim, I didn’t mean it to come over as “Help me now!!” Damn WordPress and silly conflicts…
Perhaps if you’re open it can be more difficult. As you say, sometimes you really don’t want to say no or offer a reason for conflict, but I guess that sometimes needs to happen to keep the long-term peace?
I feel horrible about my behind the scenes desperate pleas for help this week – I can imagine you get so much of that because you are such a giving person. You should have told me to hit the road – but instead you helped me as usual, and I thank you!
I think a lot of it comes down to in not wanting to disappoint people you take it all on. When you stop having fun and live in a constant panic it’s time to prioritize and shed some of the extra stuff that isn’t benefiting you. I’m trying to practice that too.
Regarding the questions about your ethics – I think we all know that’s quite ridiculous nonsense. I mean, it doesn’t even justify a response after all you’ve done for charity this year. End of story.
Ha, not at all, Rachel – if you recall, I offered you help with your problem, not the other way round. And you’re welcome
I hear you with the prioritizing – it’s definitely something that is underused by myself and as more things have come up it’s something I need to do more off, and better.
Thanks, and congrats on your blog launch again
Danny,
Through my online interactions I’ve come across a lot of people. Some good, some bad and a rare few great. Regardless of what others might say, you belong in the last category in my book.
When I came online, you were amazing to me. We’ve gotten to know each other a bit through our interactions, but even before all of that you were willing to help me more than people I’ve known for years. In addition to your business, your personal life and an impressive charity initiative that you & a few others have built on nothing more than desire, you have always found time to help me as well as a wide range of folks online.
I clearly wasnt paying attention yesterday as I might have had to find out where whoever was questioning your ethics live and smack them upside the head
Hope you are taking the insanity in stride… sure it is the last thing you need to deal with considering all that is on your plate.
Hey there Mr S.
Thanks, fella. Although in the vein of the post, I’m guilty of not visiting yours as often as I should…
Here’s to NYC later this year (September, I believe?).
No worries buddy! I am still working my way up to somewhat competent. Give the blog a few years to breathe and it should be readable.
Looking forward to meeting face to face.
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I’ll keep this short and sweet.
I 100% hear you with the time management question. You’re certainly not alone on that.
As far as the ethics thing goes, that’s just nonsense. From everything I’ve seen you’re a genuine, good guy Danny – you set the standard for the rest of us.
Keep doing what you’re doing… just don’t go burning out on us buddy. Oh, and if you ever want to chat, just pick up the phone. Day or night.
Dave Fleet´s most recent blog post ...Which Podcasts Have Inspired You?
Maybe cloning is in order?
Thanks for the offer, fella, seriously appreciate it and perhaps a hook-up downtown soon?
Online networks offer an excellent way to meet and connect with new people and prospects. But can the expectations grow too much as connection and popularity grows?
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Sorry to say, it’s only going to get worse. I’ve had to learn to not only say “no” but to also deal with not responding to some folks, neither of which I like to do. The good news is that because you’re in this position, it’s proof that A) You’re doing good things. B) People respect your position/opinion/ability. C) If you can muster some patience and diplomacy, you’re only going to get bigger.
The great news – Your audience, customers and colleagues will understand.
Hang in there.
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Hey there Jason,
Appreciate you stopping by here, fella. It’s funny, that was one of the things I was thinking – I’m relatively small fish compared to the likes of you, Chris Brogan, Matt Collier, etc.
I was thinking if I’m feeling pulled in all directions at times, what the heck must it be like for the big guys – did I even have a right to mention anything?
Cheers for your views, really appreciate them.
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Isn’t it Seth Godin that has said something like, “If you’re not making someone mad, you’re doing it wrong”?
I have been out of the social network pocket the past few days for many reasons. Some, like you, are time management related and a plate is full so I totally feel you. As a result too, I guess I have missed the past 24 hrs. of issues you have been dealing with. Yet having not even heard the complaints, I must say that having got to know you here, on Twitter, and elsewhere I would be shocked if there’s a shred of truth to the vitriol. I don’t believe a word of it, and I haven’t even heard it.
Keep your head up, Danny. You’ve always come across as genuine and I’ve appreciated that from you. I’ve also always appreciated all that you’ve done for me. You’re one of 5 people (the other 4 are family) who think I write anything worth reading.
If you ever need anything from me, never hesitate to ask. I may not be able to help much, but I’ll try everything I can to do so.
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Hey there Drew,
I’m sure there are more than 5 people who think you’re worth reading. And if not, well, we’ll get them there
Cheers fella – it’s been really touching seeing the comments and one of the great things about this thing we call community.
wise words as always Danny however you shouldn’t feel a need to apologise for not responding within nano seconds of being prompted on the internet.
i’ll get shot down for this but hey, it’s about time we all realised that “it’s just the internet!”
it’s not “real life”, real people, real conversations, body language, tone of voice, real communication (not 140 characters which get taken the wrong way).
social media/networking has a valid place in a well balance outlook on life. If someone immerses themselves too deeply in it at the expense of more valid areas they will drown.
My latest bugbear is that people feel the constant need to post what they are doing 24/7, if yo a re out enjoying time with friends and feel the need to constantly tweet about it or take pics and post to the internet, I believe you are not “truly present” with your friends, it’s one step removed from a great night out (as if you are viewing it through a camera yourself).
@mikeashworth
You know, I noticed that quite a bit over the last few days, Mike. Being in situations where family and friends were with each other, yet “not”, what with using smartphones to tweet, update Facebook status, text, etc.
It does seem that we’re being more connected yet less so – something I’ve certainly been guilty of and trying to make amends with.
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I notice that you don’t have “time with your wife, and household chores” on your list of things that are keeping you busy
i’m just saying…
*winks*
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I was trying to stay positive…
As a time coach and trainer who has personally gone through the journey from burnt-out to brilliant and now leads others on the journey, here are my two pieces of advice:
1. The only way you will be truly happy is to invest significant amount of time in what’s most important to you (specific people, causes, etc.) See “Crazy Busy” for a psychologist’s backing for this point.
2. It is a scientific fact that each person has a limited emotional capacity. (See “The Tipping Point” for documentation.) This means that you can have an infinite mailing list but not an an infinite number of people you can deeply connect with and care about.
When you stop feeling guilty for not being able to achieve the impossible, you can overcome overwhelm and achieve your ideal lifestyle!
Elizabeth-www.ScheduleMakeover.com
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Sage words, Elizabeth, and thanks.
That’s actually one of my favourite parts of The Tipping Point (not that there are any weak parts). I guess my problem is trying to “choose” the few, without hurting feelings.
That’s the next step, perhaps.
Thanks again, much appreciated.
Somebody attacks you online? Bad for them, their words are searchable, visible to anyone. Just because we can use all these online tools doesn’t mean we should or have to. So good on you for standing your ground. Once you start to compromise, it’s a road to mediocrity. Keep your head up and stick on the ice.
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Hey there Peter, cheers.
I guess it’s one of the “perks” of our jobs, the visibility factor. There will always be the bad to go with the good. Perhaps it’s dealt with in different ways by different people – definitely a learning curve and educational.
Keep up the good work, Danny. Don’t let the haters get you down.
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Cheers Caleb.
I can’t help but notice the irony in your latest blog post title in relation to this one – made me chuckle
Ha, agreed. But if anyone is easy to like, it’s you.
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Danny, no need for the apology!
Sometimes you have to take time for you in order to avoid burning out. I realize that it may be difficult for someone like you (good natured, selfless, big hearted) to stop sometimes and take a breath, but at times that is just what is needed. The people who truly care about you will understand this, and anyone else can take a flying leap (stated with my famous tact – lol).
As for those who have questioned your ethics – clearly they don’t know the first thing about you. It’s a sad fact of life that there are many people in this world that strive to build themselves up by breaking others down. What drives this? Jealousy? Lack of understanding? Unwillingness to take the time to make a difference on their own? I don’t know, but it’s sad (and pathetic) all the same.
You’ve inspired so many people through your blog and Twitter, both with 12for12k and just by being you. Through you I’ve met so many incredible people on Twitter. I’ve learned about issues that move me and I’ve been given the gift of being able to make a difference through 12for12k. I’ve learned what community and engagement mean by seeing you interact with others.
I hope you won’t hesitate to call on me if I can give you a hand with anything. In the meantime, take a breath, focus on what you want (or need) to focus on, and know that there are lots of us out here wishing you all the best. Hang in there!
Hey there Mickey.
Wow, how do I respond to this? Thank you so much for such kind and thoughtful comments, I really do appreciate them. You may have hit the nail on the head – spending too much time online and “burning out” that results in missing things.
I’m glad I’ve helped you connect with people (as you have me) – it’s one of the truly great things about the whole community aspect of social media. Here’s to many more.
Danny, you give a darn, and so do I. I love your blog and have subscribed to it. I love to tweet your first-rate articles and spread awareness of your rockstar brand all over the statusphere!
Keep on keepin’ on, you’re doing a fantastic job with this blog! I read it and so do a lot of other people!
Have an excellent weekend!! Rock On!!
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Thanks a lot, JD – I seriously think I have to start paying you, I always see your name putting me out there. Humbled and grateful, good sir – have a great one yourself!
Danny,
I was surprised to hear that you are getting such negativity! You are remarkably consistent in your presentation on-line!
You and I have had those awkward moments when 140 characters just doesn’t express one’s humor or other thoughts very well. I’ve always been really touched by how you’ve taken the time to check in with me and clarify.
If you’re going to play big, people are going to react. If you take a stand, people are going to react. Others have said it way more eloquently than I ever could but sometimes people have to bring others down out of smallmindedness or jealousy or other motivation. Let it go. It’s them, not you.
If I may be so bold as to advise you, take the time to relax, re-group, re-charge so you have the energy to remember what is important to you, who is important to you, and why.
I’m delighted that we met on Twitter and I recommend you to others whenever I have the chance. You have an invitation for a drink or meal whenever you visit Boston.
Cheers!
Yes, some of our exchanges have been fun, for sure
Perhaps it’s because of the people involved that made it more “surprising”. I’m always the first to advise someone (friends, clients, etc) that being online will always open you up to positive and negative views of you – it’s natural. Yet this is usually from strangers.
I may just take you up on that drink if I’m in Boston – thanks again, Elli, always a pleasure.
Mate,
As usual, you speak from the heart and this post really resonated with me too. I’ve just been through something similar with personal and public accusations being bandied around about me an my work. I say that if you’re well intentioned, like yourself, the good guys win. So keep it up, buddy – play your own game and don’t let the turkeys get you down.
BTW – if the Canadians won’t have you, come and experience Australia. We love positive people who “have a go” and of course, enjoy a beer. You’d fit in nicely
Cheers, Iggy
Cheers fella. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was an open conversation with both sides allowed to comment; unfortunately some of the criticism has come from moderated blogs where only one side is usually being shown.
And I might just take you up on the Aussie adventure – love your country, backpacked around it for 6 months a few years back and want to return soon. So who knows…?
Hey Danny ~ it’s been difficult to keep up with everything on Twitter. Many tweets can easily miss someone you want to direct a message too.
and feel the love 
I, too, am totally surprised that any negativity was directed towards you. I want to reiterate what Mickey stated. If you need help, give some of us a call. This cause will only grow the more we put it out there. We signed up not just to re-tweet and talk the talk…but to walk with you – and to lend a helping hand if and when the need arises.
Take care
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Hi Maria,
Thank you. It’s definitely becoming more difficult to keep up with everything going on around you, both online and off. And I know it’s not just me finding that – good to take time out and recharge the batteries, for sure.
Thank you for your offer of help, it’s really appreciated and touching.
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