Picking Your Fights
In business (and life) we have to fight.
Fight for our clients. Fight for our beliefs. Fight for our ideas to be heard and understood why we’re presenting them.
Fight for our value and worth.
Choosing when to fight, though, isn’t easy. Even though there are times when we know we are so right, no matter what we say it’s going to be viewed as wrong.
It takes a lot to walk away at times like these.
You put in a lot of work. Man hours, development hours, project hours. But that’s the work stuff – you expect that. There’s also the personal hours away from those you love.
But you do it, because you’re doing it to make a better life for those you love. That’s why you fight.
Pride comes into it too. You can see why those that are fighting with you are having qualms, but you also have the solutions to those qualms. Or at least you would, if they would let you.
But they don’t.
So now you have to decide, do you fight or do you surrender?
Surrender isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It smooths the water and allows you and your combatant’s ships to sail more easily in the same waters again. And everyone loves plain sailing.
But every sailor knows the next big storm is only one grey cloud away.
So now you’re back to fighting. But how long do you allow a fight to go on before realizing it’s only creating lasting damage? How long before you’re punch-drunk and unable to fight any more? And not just with this opponent, but every single one from now on?
Anyone can fight. Some can fight better than others, and for longer.
The question is, are the victories sweet or bittersweet? Are they even victories at all?
photo credit: Profound Whatever
14 Responses to “Picking Your Fights”
Tim – I try and stay out of the muck as well, unless it’s a worthy fight – about respect, justice, dignity.
John Haydon recently posted…. How to use Hootsuite to manage Twitter and Facebook Video 1 of 3
I hear you, Tim. Often public discourse goes way beyond the two sides – you then than connections to the sides jumping in, communities of both taking shots, and more.
The recent dust-up between Matt Mullenweg and Chris Pearson over WordPress/Thesis is a perfect example (although I’d say Matt definitely came out the better of the two, perception-wise).
As John mentions, if the fight is worthy then stand your ground; but make sure ego doesn’t blinker your views.
Very intriguing Danny, these types of posts don’t ordinarily pop up unless there is a back story
The problem with fighting, if you don’t keep a cool, head you succumb to the fog of war. So fixated on a particular point we are trying to make, we often don’t notice the solutions in front of us or the time at which we walk away.
Something I keep in mind, if you are in a fight, you need a game plan. If developing a game plan isn’t worth the time and energy, the choice to walk away becomes so much easier. (Helpful when people attempt to start arguments in blogs and forums)
Oh and that Lego picture deserves an applause, it brought back great memories of playing Lego Star Wars on the PS2 back in the day.
JayTurn recently posted…. Business Web Design You All Look The Same To MeA back story, you say..?
Couldn’t agree more, mate. Passion and belief in what’s right is one thing, but when it clouds your judgement, it becomes a problem.
How much do I love the picture you chose for this post, Danny?
It can be completely exhausting to defend your beliefs over and over and over again, especially when you “know” that you’re right. The trouble is, the other person typically “knows” that they are right, too.
I’ll add that, online or offline, walking away from a fight doesn’t necessarily equate with surrender. Sometimes it’s the smartest thing to do. While the person instigating (or perpetuating) the fight may believe they’ve won, often the people watching would disagree.
Thanks for yet another thought-provoking post!
It would appear the picture is pretty popular, Mickey, had a lot of good feedback on it.
Perception is everything, isn’t it? What cost do our “victories” take out of us? Someone once said there are three sides to everything – your version, their version and the truth.
Same could be said for hollow victories…
Danny,
I love this post. And I agree with what Mickey said. Walking away does not mean surrender.
I had a dear friend I worked with in education for many years. When we discussed something that I knew the answer to, she would say, “No, you’re wrong.”
I would let it go. But it was fun to see the a-ha moment when she discovered her mistake. No words were exchanged but she knew and I knew. For me personally, I’d just rather that people discover truths for themselves.
Maybe that kind of thing comes with aging, huh? And deciding which battles are worth fighting and do we really want to die on this hill?
See, I love that approach Judy. It’s not belittling anyone; it’s not saying, “Ah, I told you so.”
It’s offering others the chance to learn from mistakes or misunderstandings. And that’s the only way any of us will ever grow.
Thanks for sharing that!
Great post Danny, Even the struggle withing of whether to fight or not is in itself A fight. I have often fought for what I believe, to be understood, for others who needed help. When I look back, many of those battles could have been avoided or resolved with a better outcome if I had only approached them differently. Not from a position to defend, but from a sense of wonder and question. From a desire to understand. From that desire, even battles that end, do so without sinking both ships.
RIchard A Marti Jr recently posted…. Overcoming Fear of Commenting OnlineGreat point Richard – battles come and go, but unless we understand why they happened and how to avoid them next time, we’ll never move forward.
A couple of thoughts here.
You cannot control whether your “opponent” will fight with respect and dignity, but you can.
The decision to fight or surrender should be made with a long-term vision in mind – for the relationship and for your self-respect.
Nice one, Danny!
John Haydon recently posted…. How to use Hootsuite to manage Twitter and Facebook Video 1 of 3Exactly, John.
Let the others look like a douche; make sure you have facts on your side and humble dissent in your tone, and you’re halfway there.
Provocative post, Danny! It sort of captures why I temper my discourse (not without conflict and some sadness) on online social spaces, including, to a lesser degree, my blogs.
Though I may have strong opinions and beliefs and feel passionate about them, I’ve learned that public discourse often unravels quickly and can be too consuming and less than constructive — fights I’ll (mostly) stay away from…for now
Tim Baran recently posted…. Happy to Lose Thousands of Twitter Followers by Not Auto-Following