First, let me say right off the bat that Gini Dietrich’s mom is more than likely a very nice person. Heck, anyone that can put up with Gini’s wily ways has to be good, right? Anyhoo…
This post came about for a couple of reasons. The first was a post that Gini herself wrote over at Spin Sucks, about why your mom tells you what you want to hear. It’s a great read about conflict resolution, and worth checking out. I shared the post on Twitter, with a tongue-in-cheek addendum that Gini’s mom doesn’t tell me anything.
Gini replied about her mom’s probable thoughts on me, and this post was born. So, why don’t you need to impress Gini Dietrich’s mom?
Lets dig in.
Parental Approval or Parental Removal?
When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I kept losing girlfriends. It wasn’t that I was ugly (at least, not terribly so – who knows?); nor was it that I wasn’t a nice guy (or, at least, I thought I was nicer than some of the dicks I’d seen use and abuse their girlfriends).
But it didn’t matter what I thought I was as boyfriend material – every girlfriend I had never lasted more than a few months (with the exception of one long engagement).
So what was my issue? Simple – I was trying to impress the wrong person.
I was under the impression that if I got the mom to like me, then the daughter would see what a great guy I was and follow suit. After all, we’re always told that moms are usually the ones that wield the main influence in the household, right?
So, win the mom, win the daughter – easy as pie. Except I was wrong.
By trying so hard to impress the mom, I was missing out on trying to impress the one I really should have been impressing – my girlfriend. So what if her mom liked me, when I wasn’t really being the guy my girlfriend wanted, but a poor substitute for an approving mom instead?
Once I learned that harsh lesson, well then of course it was full steam ahead on the gigolo front. Yeah, right….
That Don’t Impress Me Much
Shania Twain had it right – trying to hard to impress usually won’t impress at all. It’s either obvious, and you look like a suck-up, or you miss the bigger picture and the real target you should be looking to impress.
I learned the hard way that girls aren’t impressed with you making their mom feel good (and don’t read that the wrong way!). However, it wasn’t all bad – because it helped prime me for my professional life (although I didn’t know it at the time).
Think about it.
- Instead of trying to impress your customers with someone you feel they want you to be, be yourself and just do things right full-stop. That will impress them.
- Instead of posting blogs solely for your readers because you think they want to read them, post for yourself first and be 100% happy with that. Because if that satisfaction comes through in your writing, the readers that are right for your blog will be there for you.
- Instead of trying to impress your boss by doling out compliments, just roll up your sleeves and produce the results that will make your boss stand up and take notice.
Simply put, don’t go for false love that will up and leave you. Instead, concentrate on being what you need to be for the proper audience you need to impress and make sure you’re giving 100% to that. Everything else will fall into place.
And, somehow, I think Gini Dietrich’s mom would say the same…
Epilogue: Of course, if you want to impress Gini’s mom, or any other mom, then there’s nothing wrong with that either. Moms are cool.
image: Stuck In Customs
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@Danny - You are a brave man, dealing with mother's has always been a tough one.
@Gini - Being myself allows those we don't want to work with to cull themselves out.
So true. I think sometimes we are afraid of not pleasing everyone (its impossible) but it is necessary. I just had a meeting with a client who is a great photographer but refuses to setup a website. He feels some people might not like his work and not hire him. Obviously this would be great because it would help him create a niche for himself and cull out the ones who wouldn't appreciate his work anyhow.
Don't drink and tweet, do they make bumper stickers with this?
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