Belief, Ego and Remarkability
Everyone has greatness in them. The challenge is how we express it. We can push ourselves to rise to the challenge, or we can encourage others to greatness (and, in turn, encourage ourselves at the same time).
Everyone also has an ego. Some are kept in check – some are left to rage uncontrollably. Some have a happy medium in-between. Are our ego’s stopping us from being remarkable?
Often we don’t like to admit we don’t know something. We want people to think we’re invincible, that their trust in us is warranted. That we are the fountain of knowledge to their stream of questions. But we’re not. None of us.
But that’s not a bad thing.
We are who we are because we learned what we know. How did we learn that? From those that knew and wanted to share. Not keep it to themselves as leverage over everyone else. Not use it as a power base over less-informed people. Not use it to stroke their own ego.
Ego’s are natural. We’re human beings – we like to feel we’re important in some way or another. And we are – each and every one of us. We all do great things every day. Does that mean we’re better than others that do “lesser” things? Can you define lesser? Is there such a thing when it comes to offering hope through belief?
I don’t think so and I know I’m not the only one.
Look around you. There are people that could have huge ego’s if they wanted to. People that continuously encourage others to challenge themselves to be better. People that are selfless in their determination to make life better for those that need it the most. People that have taken an idea and ran with it to make it their own.
These are the people that could have ego’s but don’t.
So what ego’s are stopping us from growing? What ones are putting us in a pen and keeping the gate locked? You might recognize some.
- Business leaders. Your employees are your currency. Offer them a voice for their ideas, not a muzzle.
- Educators. Your students are the leaders of tomorrow in the brains of today. Don’t silence their probing – encourage it.
- Business consultants. Your clients are counting on you. If you don’t know something (which sometimes you won’t), admit it. Agree to find the answer together and make something truly great.
We all know people who offer belief. People who offer hope. We also know (often in equal measure) people who crush that belief simply through distorted ego. Sometimes it’s deliberate; sometimes it’s not. Either one is just as powerful as the other.
Belief is hope. Ego is the wall that can block that hope. How you scale the wall is up to you.
image: fatboyke (Luc)
The sharpest people you'll ever come across in life are those who'll just admit they're unsure of something... because they'll certainly be sure the next time somebody asks them the same question. They don't do this to be smarter than others, but rather to be a more effective resource.
Only fools bullshit their way through life and stay stuck in stupid because of their ego. The less ego an individual operates from the more capable that person will be at contributing something of value to others and the world in which we live.
Living life in any other manner is futile.
Hi Danny .. another great post. At the risk of stroking your ego :) (but I know you have yours in check!) .. you keep producing thought provoking, pieces of insight and wisdom. Thank you.
It's easy to get excited when things go well and think 'we know' .. but life always has another lesson for us just around the corner .. so learning is truly life long.
A boss once complimented me on not being afraid to ask questions. Being confident in your core skills and knowledge - but always seeking new information to improve, transform and asking lots of questions and not pretending to know when you don't - seems sound business (and personal practice) to me.
The photo you included with this post is exquisite! Take care - have a great weekend! :)
Hello Danny,
Very thoughtful post. I'm so happy to have come across your blog and subscribe to it. It's nice to be internally challenged. :)
Quiet, unassuming confidence is a good thing; controlled ego is a good thing. Two words most important for me to grasp as a business person and as a human, are perseverance and humility. Life is all about perseverance and having a controlled ego, which is encompasses that quiet, unassuming confidence, will help you get through. Humility will keep you in check along the way. I literally pray for humility every day of my life.
A great way to keep the ego in check is to have a purpose bigger than yourself and get "outside" yourself as often as you can.
I appreciate you. Thanks so much!
With kindness,
Elena
Danny,
Again you raise a point about the education:
Educators. Your students are the leaders of tomorrow in the brains of today. Don’t silence their probing – encourage it.
And again I think; wouldn't it be great if people like Danny Brown were going into schools and teaching kids about their potential! There is a very long list of things we don't learn in school. How to deal with your ego (personally, I never really understood the ego) and how to embrace your greatness is one of them.
Lori
You know, when I was a kid, I used to attempt to win every game I played, often by cheating. If I was losing a game of 'Go Bananas!', I'd cheat so that my 'monkey' was able to climb the board and get to the bananas before anyone else did. I was so obsessed with winning, and would often cry if I didn't win.
Thankfully, I've matured (a little) since then, and I no longer view winning in the same light or importance anymore. That's largely because I've altered my stance on winning.
What is winning? The standard concept is to achieve something worth achieving, but then let's look at others involved. To win, do we have to get others to lose? Or can we all win?
This, I feel, is the new model of winning, where everyone wins because they help each other to win. Just look at our blogs for example; if we were to go head-to-head in a 'classic' race, then you'd beat me hands down. But the new model of winning means that we help each other to 'win', to achieve something worth achieving.
That, I feel, is the way to go :-)
good post Danny!
Ego just is, the actual meaning of ego is simply; self, set apart from others. Egotistic is another thing all together. Perhaps the key is when we recognize our ego, we recognize we are set apart from others. We each have value and purpose in this world, in various ways. Fine line indeed, as in some people do not take a stand and determine and live their purpose, versus some use their success, wealth, physical looks etc. to assert (negative)power over others. A person with a strong sense of self (ego) will hopefully use that to encourage, inspire & lead others... without feeling they are better then others, when those others also have a purpose and destiny, but simply have not discovered it yet.
Ego is part of what make us who were are. Seth Godin has a great take on it in his new book Poke the Box. And I agree with him. I found success early in business and was lucky. My ego and lack of knowledge and inexperience taught me a lot about failure as well as the environment that shaped my early behavior when a market I basically created was taken over by competitors as I failed to grow my business due to a naive approach and focus on the wrong philosophy. I learned as much as I could after those experiences.
Unfortunately there was not the support, mentors or knowledge available that there is for todays entrepreneurs at that time and it was painful and life changing experience. Ego however is an essential element of developing an entrepreneurial mindset. However it is critical to understand emotions and to control ego so that it motivates but does not lead to a lack of humility and respect. Nobody as you point out Danny knows all the answers. And it is critical to make sure that we keep that at the forefront of our mind when we are trying to build a successful business.
Danny,
This post reminds of an early lesson from a great boss who recently passed away. My biggest endorsement for him is, he's the only boss I worked for twice.
The philosophy he taught me was hire the best and brightest - even if they might be smarter than you - and then help them do what you hired them to do. Don't worry if they are smarter or better than you - if the job gets done both of you benefit. He told me that my job as a leader was often to listen, learn and support because the more I was responsible for the less of an expert I could be in the details. And, if my ego couldn't let go of that then I should specialize and stay there.
If you hire the right people and they get the job done everyone should get rewarded. There comes a point where it is much more about what your team can do than what you can do - because 'you' can only do so much.
I thought this quote by US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was one on the best leadership insights I've seen lately..."The thing that would mean the most to me when I leave this job is if those kids in uniform remember they had a secretary of defense who, from the first day, they knew had their back."
There is nothing wrong with a leader having an ego as long they keep it real and don't put the ego in front of getting the job done.
Ego can lead to progress and positive movement when expressed in such a way that it empowers humanity and the common good. Did MLK have an ego? I would say yes, absolutely. The key here is the way in which he channeled his energies into something that advanced society.
Like them or not, did Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have egos when they started and built their companies? What impacts have they made on society, business, communication, technology, etc, as a result of their relentless drive and egos?
I blame our mothers for this. Our mothers always told us we were great. Then WHAM! We go out into the real world.
I agree with Geoff that ego is good, if it's not out of control. One of the highest compliments I've ever had is that I have a humble ego. Enough of one to be willing to take risks and be OK with the outcome, but (hopefully) not one that is out of control and people don't want to be around.
You have a humble ego.
I think a little ego is good, it let's you be stupid and take risks that no one in their right mind would take... And that defines most entrepreneurial endeavors. Risk. At the same time pomposity, egomania with an inferiority complex makes everything worse. It's a tender balance...
Another great post Danny thanks! I too love that photograph! Ego is a funny thing and as you get older you should take control of it. However, I have found that with some people the ego takes over when they become just slightly out of their depth and not quite confident or perhaps honest enough to admit they might need a little help occasionally. A little humility goes a long way. ( I was the naughty kid at the back of the class too, fun wasn't it?)
The sharpest people you'll ever come across in life are those who'll just admit they're unsure of something... because they'll certainly be sure the next time somebody asks them the same question. They don't do this to be smarter than others, but rather to be a more effective resource.
Only fools bullshit their way through life and stay stuck in stupid because of their ego. The less ego an individual operates from the more capable that person will be at contributing something of value to others and the world in which we live.
Living life in any other manner is futile.
Maybe we should work on a BS Ego app for smartphones, that emits a really high-pitched beep whenever someone is careening uncontrollably down the Ego Slope?
Might not still their ego, but sure as hell be funny to watch their eyes boggle with the noise. ;-)
Hi Danny .. another great post. At the risk of stroking your ego :) (but I know you have yours in check!) .. you keep producing thought provoking, pieces of insight and wisdom. Thank you.
It's easy to get excited when things go well and think 'we know' .. but life always has another lesson for us just around the corner .. so learning is truly life long.
A boss once complimented me on not being afraid to ask questions. Being confident in your core skills and knowledge - but always seeking new information to improve, transform and asking lots of questions and not pretending to know when you don't - seems sound business (and personal practice) to me.
The photo you included with this post is exquisite! Take care - have a great weekend! :)
Hi there Anne,
Your old boss sounds like one who has his sensible head screwed on. After all, he learns from your questions; you learn from his answers; and the business learns to be successful because of it. Which only benefits the customer all round.
What's not to like? :)
Have a great weekend yourself, miss!
Humble ego; that's a good analogy from Ms Gini.
I would say I have a 'healthy' ego; personally, I think I'm confident, have it goin' on and I like who I am. I think it's still good to be me.
Having said that though, I'm a giver. Success to me is when I've been able to help someone else succeed. I don't seek recognition for my acts, and like nothing more to see someone succeed because I had some small part in it.
I'm a very open person and sometimes that makes me vulnerable, but it's who I am. However, don't mistake it for weakness as I am confident in my abilities.
I hope whoever has come in contact with me is just a little bit better because of the encounter.
Will that allow me to be remarkable in a subtle way?
"I don’t seek recognition for my acts, and like nothing more to see someone succeed because I had some small part in it."
With that one sentence, you can have as much ego as you like, Bill. Kudos sir, and here's to more with that mindset - because then we all win. :)
Good one Danny and yet part of me wonders about the difference in ego vs. confidence. I think more of an over-inflated sense of self-importance with ego, than I do with confidence. IDK.. but I do agree that some of the best leaders can put aside their own egos, have the confidence to let others shine, let others earn and enjoy due credit. On the education side, I think of a few of the TED talks on creativity.. wish I had more time to watch. And as a consultant, my ego doesn't write checks my body can't cash. - Had to do it. ;-) - I'm very comfortable in the knowledge that I don't know everything, that there may be other ways than mine of getting things done. FWIW.
Haha, a Top Gun reference? Awesome!
For sure - confidence is definitely a different beast to ego (and often better for it). And the leaders that can balance ego and confidence are usually the ones that we look up to the most.
Here's to continuing to know that difference. :)
Hello Danny,
Very thoughtful post. I'm so happy to have come across your blog and subscribe to it. It's nice to be internally challenged. :)
Quiet, unassuming confidence is a good thing; controlled ego is a good thing. Two words most important for me to grasp as a business person and as a human, are perseverance and humility. Life is all about perseverance and having a controlled ego, which is encompasses that quiet, unassuming confidence, will help you get through. Humility will keep you in check along the way. I literally pray for humility every day of my life.
A great way to keep the ego in check is to have a purpose bigger than yourself and get "outside" yourself as often as you can.
I appreciate you. Thanks so much!
With kindness,
Elena
Hi there Elena,
First, great to have you here and thank you for the really kind words. :)
I think your choice perseverance and humility are spot on. Often when we have an end goal in mind, we get so tunnel-visioned that we can forget the bigger picture around us, and that can soon become dangerous to those around us, as well as ourselves.
Love how you value the result and the right path to get there.
Thanks, Elena, hope to see you around here more often. :)
Danny,
Again you raise a point about the education:
Educators. Your students are the leaders of tomorrow in the brains of today. Don’t silence their probing – encourage it.
And again I think; wouldn't it be great if people like Danny Brown were going into schools and teaching kids about their potential! There is a very long list of things we don't learn in school. How to deal with your ego (personally, I never really understood the ego) and how to embrace your greatness is one of them.
Lori
Oh, I'd rather be the naughty kid at the back of the class, Lori, but thanks for the kind words. :)
In all seriousness, though, I wrote a post last year about education in the classroom and how we're taking away creativity by stopping kids from letting their imaginations run free.
I'd love to see a real focus on educators encouraging beliefs and intent. I know they have a tough job working under limited funds and often crappy surroundings. But maybe - just maybe - if we can encourage greatness in our charges, that will come back full circle when they're successful, and they become people that have the power to change school funding for the better.
Small steps, but worth it I'd say.
Cheers, miss, have an awesome weekend. :)
The naughty kid at the back of the class LOL. I was the good kid at the front of the class; good because I was at the front of the class; at the front of the class because my last name was Abbass!
Seriously, though, one day I will be going into schools and talking to kids. It's not the right time yet, but I know this will open up at some time down the road when the time IS right.
Because you're right, if we can empower the kids, everything will change for the better because they will change it.
Awseome weekend to you too Danny!
Lori
The naughty kid at the back of the class LOL. I was the good kid at the front of the class; good because I was at the front of the class; at the front of the class because my last name was Abbass!
Seriously, though, one day I will be going into schools and talking to kids. It's not the right time yet, but I know this will open up at some time down the road when the time IS right.
Because you're right, if we can empower the kids, everything will change for the better because they will change it.
Awseome weekend to you too Danny!
Lori
The unfortunate thing for us is because of social media those with a ridiculously over-inflated ego now have another platform to broadcast on :-)
You know, when I was a kid, I used to attempt to win every game I played, often by cheating. If I was losing a game of 'Go Bananas!', I'd cheat so that my 'monkey' was able to climb the board and get to the bananas before anyone else did. I was so obsessed with winning, and would often cry if I didn't win.
Thankfully, I've matured (a little) since then, and I no longer view winning in the same light or importance anymore. That's largely because I've altered my stance on winning.
What is winning? The standard concept is to achieve something worth achieving, but then let's look at others involved. To win, do we have to get others to lose? Or can we all win?
This, I feel, is the new model of winning, where everyone wins because they help each other to win. Just look at our blogs for example; if we were to go head-to-head in a 'classic' race, then you'd beat me hands down. But the new model of winning means that we help each other to 'win', to achieve something worth achieving.
That, I feel, is the way to go :-)
"To win, do we have to get others to lose? Or can we all win?"
That sums it up perfectly, Stuart. I always think of a nuclear war. Sure, one country annihilated another; but the fall-out affects everyone for years to come. So, who really wins?
There is so much "out there" for everyone, is there really such a thing as competition any more? Or just different levels of friendly customer attraction? ;-)
Here's to more folks with your outlook, mate - cheers!
good post Danny!
Ego just is, the actual meaning of ego is simply; self, set apart from others. Egotistic is another thing all together. Perhaps the key is when we recognize our ego, we recognize we are set apart from others. We each have value and purpose in this world, in various ways. Fine line indeed, as in some people do not take a stand and determine and live their purpose, versus some use their success, wealth, physical looks etc. to assert (negative)power over others. A person with a strong sense of self (ego) will hopefully use that to encourage, inspire & lead others... without feeling they are better then others, when those others also have a purpose and destiny, but simply have not discovered it yet.
Great differentiation, Angela - maybe I should have done that better in my post. :)
Agree, there are definitely positive egos, and the opportunities that can come from those with a large ego using it for good are endless.
'Course, they're countered with the power mongers - and that's when it gets interesting.
The great thing is, on the web it's far easier to spot the power mad and gravitate away from them. Unless, of course, despotism is your bag... ;-)
Ego is part of what make us who were are. Seth Godin has a great take on it in his new book Poke the Box. And I agree with him. I found success early in business and was lucky. My ego and lack of knowledge and inexperience taught me a lot about failure as well as the environment that shaped my early behavior when a market I basically created was taken over by competitors as I failed to grow my business due to a naive approach and focus on the wrong philosophy. I learned as much as I could after those experiences.
Unfortunately there was not the support, mentors or knowledge available that there is for todays entrepreneurs at that time and it was painful and life changing experience. Ego however is an essential element of developing an entrepreneurial mindset. However it is critical to understand emotions and to control ego so that it motivates but does not lead to a lack of humility and respect. Nobody as you point out Danny knows all the answers. And it is critical to make sure that we keep that at the forefront of our mind when we are trying to build a successful business.
Hey there Kenny,
Sounds like you have quite the story to tell there, mate. Agree completely - ego (bad ego) can still be a powerful weapon if we learn from it.
Sounds like you've known that and used it to your advantage, mate - kudos, and here's to continued success. :)
Danny,
This post reminds of an early lesson from a great boss who recently passed away. My biggest endorsement for him is, he's the only boss I worked for twice.
The philosophy he taught me was hire the best and brightest - even if they might be smarter than you - and then help them do what you hired them to do. Don't worry if they are smarter or better than you - if the job gets done both of you benefit. He told me that my job as a leader was often to listen, learn and support because the more I was responsible for the less of an expert I could be in the details. And, if my ego couldn't let go of that then I should specialize and stay there.
If you hire the right people and they get the job done everyone should get rewarded. There comes a point where it is much more about what your team can do than what you can do - because 'you' can only do so much.
I thought this quote by US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was one on the best leadership insights I've seen lately..."The thing that would mean the most to me when I leave this job is if those kids in uniform remember they had a secretary of defense who, from the first day, they knew had their back."
There is nothing wrong with a leader having an ego as long they keep it real and don't put the ego in front of getting the job done.
You know, mate, I'm not a fan of politicians, but that Gates sounds like he's someone I'd like - love his statement.
And agree completely about surrounding yourself with smart people - everyone grows and benefits from that approach. So why aren't more "leaders" doing it?
Ah well... Cheers, Rick, have a great weekend sir. :)
Ego can lead to progress and positive movement when expressed in such a way that it empowers humanity and the common good. Did MLK have an ego? I would say yes, absolutely. The key here is the way in which he channeled his energies into something that advanced society.
Like them or not, did Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have egos when they started and built their companies? What impacts have they made on society, business, communication, technology, etc, as a result of their relentless drive and egos?
Oh, for sure Ryan, and I think that's why there's such a fine line between ego and egotism. Used properly, egos can be amazing and give someone the strength to really make change.
Just as long as it's for the good... ;-)
I blame our mothers for this. Our mothers always told us we were great. Then WHAM! We go out into the real world.
I agree with Geoff that ego is good, if it's not out of control. One of the highest compliments I've ever had is that I have a humble ego. Enough of one to be willing to take risks and be OK with the outcome, but (hopefully) not one that is out of control and people don't want to be around.
You have a humble ego.
For sure - ego can be a great founding step in greatness. After all, you don't often hear a mouse unless they know they have the power to scare an elephant.
Here's to humble egos, miss. :)
Whoever said that Gini was right...you do. In fact, and I'm not just saying this as silly flattery, but you and Danny are models of talented yet humble ego mixed with human compassion and a 'big-picture' vision.
So thanks to the both of you.
Marcus
From one humble ego to another Marcus!
BTW. It cracks me up to talk to a lion every day.
Cracks you up?? Just imagine what it must feel like for me, being a Lion amongst all these 'humans' ;-)
Good point! You should really find yourself some bears and tigers.
Keep workin' it.....I've got dibs on the lion head.......
Right back at you mate, and cheers. :)
From one humble ego to another Marcus!
BTW. It cracks me up to talk to a lion every day.
Danny,
Ego is an interesting thing because it can drive us and it can destroy us. A while back I wrote back I came ot this realization that my life had been about the ego driven pursuit of a life that looked good on paper :
- Go to a good school/Grad school
- Get a job at a big brand
- Make sure the job title was impressive
- etc, etc
But ultimately none of them were about true fulfillment. I worked for a CEO at my first job out of college who let his ego ultimately destroy him. I will never forget the day he brought in software development VP from a top software company and he wanted to fire the guy because he disagreed with him. In 9 months I watched 25 out of 30 employees get fired (myself included) and the place was a revolving door. We'd get introduced to employees at meetings, and before we ever saw them again they would be gone. IT took 3 years but the board fired the CEO from a company he founded. Once we learn to be ok with being wrong, that's when real breakthroughs start to happen.
I'm always amazed at people that think it's a clever idea to continuously get rid of people on a whim, when the person that really needs to go stays.
It's far cheaper to keep an existing customer happy than it is to market to a brand new one. Shame it takes so many a long time to understand this, mate.
You also build more customers because of 1 happy one-how many people know others and gollow their lead. Other side of the coing and unhappy customers gets you 10 times more bad press which is much harder to correct!;)
I think a little ego is good, it let's you be stupid and take risks that no one in their right mind would take... And that defines most entrepreneurial endeavors. Risk. At the same time pomposity, egomania with an inferiority complex makes everything worse. It's a tender balance...
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