The Zen of Social Media

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zen of social media

This is a guest post by Stuart Mills.

“Social media is a great way to tell the world what you’re thinking before you’ve had a chance to think about it.” – Chris Pirillo

Have you ever heard of that old saying, “You can take the ‘x’ out of the ‘y’, but you can’t take the ‘y’ out of the ‘x’”?

It implies to social media a lot.

How many people do you know have Facebook? Or Twitter? Or even that old-time favourite, Myspace? Or the more focused ones such as StumbleUpon, Digg, or Delicious? Is it a lot? I bet it is.

Ever since I started my website, I’ve come across so many different ways of connecting, it’s unreal. I could send the same message to you in a hundred different ways. I won’t, but the fact that the potential is there indicates that we are never more connected than we are now. The choice is mind-boggling.

A lot of the ways we can communicate is by social media. I could send you a Tweet, a Like, or a Stumble, and we could get our communication on (if you know what each of those terms mean, then consider yourself connected!). But I must ask now, do we really need all of this? Really?

Facebook Dilemma

I’ve recently had a couple of experiences with Facebook that I feel must be mentioned, as I believe they are examples of the ‘Facebook effect’ on people.

First, myself and my girlfriend were involved in a minor argument about a comment that was left on my Facebook page by someone we know. It was all meant in jest, yet the whole thing got a little out of hand. Its settled now, but you can still look and find the post on my Facebook profile here, and the comments following it.

This is the first time I’ve been involved in ‘Facebook fury’, and it wasn’t a very nice thing to sort out.

The second experience is to do with my Facebook page. I decided to delete the Unlock The Door Facebook page because it wasn’t serving me well. In fact, it was becoming more of a distraction, as it wasn’t growing as fast as my Twitter account, and there wasn’t much interaction taking place at all.

So now, all of my Facebook activity will be concentrated onto my Facebook profile. I believe this will make things simpler for me.

So what does this all mean? It means that Facebook has recently gotten out of hand for me, and I’ve now taken steps to reduce my Facebook activity, and focus more on Twitter as my main social media outlet. I like Twitter, it’s fun, informative, and it just seems a lot more professional.

But what it also means is that I needed to minimise my social media exposure.

less is more

Less Is More

I prefer to liken social media to a whirlpool. It looks fun but it can suck you in without ever letting you go. Before you know it, you’ve just spent those two hours in the morning, which you were going to spend on your website, checking out other profiles on Facebook, and tweeting the latest Charlie Sheen rant. It’s a waste.

Why do you do it?

Why waste those hours doing something which, at the most, might get a couple of cheap laughs? Social media can do that to you, it can turn you into a mindless, pointless status-uploading, zombie. I know, because some of them are my Facebook friends.

How can you get out of this? Simple, cut it back. Social media can become an addiction just like alcohol, drugs, and smoking. Excessive amounts are bad for you, we all know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you’re trying to log off from your profile but you just can’t bring yourself to do it!

Cut back on your addiction. Go cold turkey if you have to. I recall Steve Pavlina going on a 30 day Facebook fast after being an active user for two years. You can read his results here. I’m sure you’ll be as surprised as I was at what he learned.

The same applies for any other social media outlet that you find yourself addicted to, as it’s not just Facebook.

Some people are addicted to endless retweeting, others like to click the ‘stumble’ button just for the hell of it. Cut back on these outlets. Disconnect your internet. Banish your computer if you have to, but however you do it, just take a break. Get your head out of the social media sand and look up to the sky. Look around you. You know what you see?

It’s life! Life is waiting for you if you only get away from your social media and embrace it.

Purposeful Social Media

Of course, I don’t advocate that you dispel social media entirely. Some of it is actually quite useful.

Want to share something new that your business/website/yourself has introduced? Use Twitter to tweet about it. Or advertise it on Digg. You can reach a shed load of people in seconds by using a social media outlet, and this is good. This is very practical, and has many uses, but it has to be purposeful.

Why use social media if not for a good reason? Are you just using social media because everyone else is using it? Rubbish, that means you are a sheep, as you are following everyone else and doing what they say is good for you. I’ve been a sheep before, when MySpace was hip and cool, but never again. If I use social media, it will be for my benefit and purpose, not for anyone elses.

Our man Danny Brown wrote a post not too long ago about the philosophy of social media, and what it can mean beyond the trivial conversations and noise. I implore you to check it out here, and learn that social media can be so much more than boring tweets and likes, and it can be a completely different experience for you.

If you let it.

Why Social Media?

Social media is meant to help you by letting you help others. That’s the ulterior, moralistic motive of social media, yet somehow it’s transformed into a hideous, blabbering, tweeting atrocity of a monster. It’s awful to think about it, so the best thing you can do is not to let yourself get sucked into the monstrous whirlpool.

Use social media for your own uses, and help others in order to help yourself. And if you find yourself getting sucked in? Breathe, turn off the internet, and gain a little perspective. The monster is still ugly behind all that make-up.

stuart millsAbout the author: Stuart Mills is an experienced writer who wants to help you improve at life. He thinks you’re awesome. You can often find him here, where he writes constantly to make it a better day for everyone, and you can subscribe here. You can also follow Stuart on Twitter at @theunlockeddoor.

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About Danny

Danny Brown is Chief Technologist at ArCompany and an award-winning marketer and blogger. His blog is recognized as the #1 marketing blog in the world by HubSpot. Danny is also co-author of Influence Marketing: How to Create, Manage and Measure Brand Influencers in Social Media Marketing.

92 comments
Danny Brown
Danny Brown

Thanks, guys, and agree - it's easy to get blinded by all the shiny lights and forget what each of us want to get out of it. Sometimes we let others tell us what we want, as opposed to listen to what we need. Cheers! :)

Danny Brown
Danny Brown

Thanks, guys, and agree - it's easy to get blinded by all the shiny lights and forget what each of us want to get out of it. Sometimes we let others tell us what we want, as opposed to listen to what we need. Cheers! :)

Morgan Creative Services
Morgan Creative Services

I enjoyed Stuart's post, particularly the section - and your related post - about purposeful social media. The point is well taken as I suspect we all forget from time to time why we are engaging in social media.

Morgan Creative Services
Morgan Creative Services

I enjoyed Stuart's post, particularly the section - and your related post - about purposeful social media. The point is well taken as I suspect we all forget from time to time why we are engaging in social media.

David
David

I was shocked when I learn that social media can also become a means of defaming other people's reputation. Recently there has been a lot of cyberbullying on Facebook and other sites and some schoolchildren take pleasure in it. What is concerning is that this kind of discrimination is even worse than physical suffering.

Stuart
Stuart

That's very true David, people often take advantage of social media sites, particularly Facebook and MySpace, and will try to make others lose in order for them to 'win'.

Thanks for sharing your input :-)

David
David

I was shocked when I learn that social media can also become a means of defaming other people's reputation. Recently there has been a lot of cyberbullying on Facebook and other sites and some schoolchildren take pleasure in it. What is concerning is that this kind of discrimination is even worse than physical suffering.

Stuart
Stuart

That's very true David, people often take advantage of social media sites, particularly Facebook and MySpace, and will try to make others lose in order for them to 'win'. Thanks for sharing your input :-)

Christina Crowe
Christina Crowe

This is awesome, Stu! Glad to see you here on Danny's blog. :)

I've been reading about social media a lot lately, and one thing that I seem to always hear is to not be a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to social media.

So, like you, I decided to keep it simple - I'm going to stick with Twitter and StumbleUpon for now. Then, when I have the free time, I'll work on Facebook. But I think those three networks are more than enough for now.

"Social media can do that to you, it can turn you into a mindless, pointless status-uploading, zombie." - I completely agree! I also LOVE Twitter as well, and just today, I've spent all morning checking out posts mentioned on Twitter and retweeting interesting entries. It's incredible how much time can go by while using social media.

Thanks for sharing, Stu! You wrote some good points to consider.

Christina

Stuart
Stuart

Thanks for the kind words Christina!

I agree, if you lose track, hours can fly by on social media! I try and limit it to interesting stuff only, and only spend time on social networks if I need to.

Everything in moderation :-)

Christina Crowe
Christina Crowe

This is awesome, Stu! Glad to see you here on Danny's blog. :)

I've been reading about social media a lot lately, and one thing that I seem to always hear is to not be a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to social media.

So, like you, I decided to keep it simple - I'm going to stick with Twitter and StumbleUpon for now. Then, when I have the free time, I'll work on Facebook. But I think those three networks are more than enough for now.

"Social media can do that to you, it can turn you into a mindless, pointless status-uploading, zombie." - I completely agree! I also LOVE Twitter as well, and just today, I've spent all morning checking out posts mentioned on Twitter and retweeting interesting entries. It's incredible how much time can go by while using social media.

Thanks for sharing, Stu! You wrote some good points to consider.

Christina

Christina Crowe
Christina Crowe

This is awesome, Stu! Glad to see you here on Danny's blog. :) I've been reading about social media a lot lately, and one thing that I seem to always hear is to not be a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to social media. So, like you, I decided to keep it simple - I'm going to stick with Twitter and StumbleUpon for now. Then, when I have the free time, I'll work on Facebook. But I think those three networks are more than enough for now. "Social media can do that to you, it can turn you into a mindless, pointless status-uploading, zombie." - I completely agree! I also LOVE Twitter as well, and just today, I've spent all morning checking out posts mentioned on Twitter and retweeting interesting entries. It's incredible how much time can go by while using social media. Thanks for sharing, Stu! You wrote some good points to consider. Christina

Stuart
Stuart

Thanks for the kind words Christina! I agree, if you lose track, hours can fly by on social media! I try and limit it to interesting stuff only, and only spend time on social networks if I need to. Everything in moderation :-)

Davina K. Brewer
Davina K. Brewer

I like the whirlpool thing Stuart, I call it a black hole of time suck. "If you let it," as you say. Everyone's zen will vary, and luckily we get to read words of wisdom like this. It's why I don't mix FB w/ business, really keep a low profile there. It's a little fun but I don't need it taking over. And like you I don't see the ROI on a fan page for myself, not when I'm getting so much from LI and especially Twitter, blogging.

As to taking a break and unplugging, it's one of the reasons I've held out so long on the smart phone. I'm about to cave in once I am upgrade eligible, but have already made a deal w/ myself not to be one of THOSE people who can't turn it off, have to tweet and post every little thing. Fingers crossed I can stick to it. FWIW.

Davina K. Brewer
Davina K. Brewer

I like the whirlpool thing Stuart, I call it a black hole of time suck. "If you let it," as you say. Everyone's zen will vary, and luckily we get to read words of wisdom like this. It's why I don't mix FB w/ business, really keep a low profile there. It's a little fun but I don't need it taking over. And like you I don't see the ROI on a fan page for myself, not when I'm getting so much from LI and especially Twitter, blogging.

As to taking a break and unplugging, it's one of the reasons I've held out so long on the smart phone. I'm about to cave in once I am upgrade eligible, but have already made a deal w/ myself not to be one of THOSE people who can't turn it off, have to tweet and post every little thing. Fingers crossed I can stick to it. FWIW.

Stuart
Stuart

Best of luck Davina, I know smart-phones can be addictive ;-)

And thanks for the kind comment. I deleted my Facebook page to minimise my Facebook usage, and to make my profile more complete. I hope it'll work out :-)

Davina K. Brewer
Davina K. Brewer

I like the whirlpool thing Stuart, I call it a black hole of time suck. "If you let it," as you say. Everyone's zen will vary, and luckily we get to read words of wisdom like this. It's why I don't mix FB w/ business, really keep a low profile there. It's a little fun but I don't need it taking over. And like you I don't see the ROI on a fan page for myself, not when I'm getting so much from LI and especially Twitter, blogging. As to taking a break and unplugging, it's one of the reasons I've held out so long on the smart phone. I'm about to cave in once I am upgrade eligible, but have already made a deal w/ myself not to be one of THOSE people who can't turn it off, have to tweet and post every little thing. Fingers crossed I can stick to it. FWIW.

Stuart
Stuart

Best of luck Davina, I know smart-phones can be addictive ;-) And thanks for the kind comment. I deleted my Facebook page to minimise my Facebook usage, and to make my profile more complete. I hope it'll work out :-)

Jk Allen
Jk Allen

Stu - awesome man! I've never had FB so I can't relate totally, but I've heard this message before. I am on Twitter, and find that to be nice/fun/interesting application...that I'm still learning about. Still trying to figure out the #tags!

Great article and what a excellent place to get to post it! I love Danny's blog - it's become one of my favs.

It's nice seeing you all over place (nice feature on Marks' site!)
PEACE

Stuart
Stuart

Thank you Jk, it's always a pleasure to connect with you. Glad you loved the post as well :-)

Danny
Danny

Hey there Jk,

Thanks for the kind words, mate - I probably sound like a broken record, but it has seriously been great getting to know you recently. Looking forward to hearing more from you, sir, both here and around the web. :)

Jk Allen
Jk Allen

Stu - awesome man! I've never had FB so I can't relate totally, but I've heard this message before. I am on Twitter, and find that to be nice/fun/interesting application...that I'm still learning about. Still trying to figure out the #tags! Great article and what a excellent place to get to post it! I love Danny's blog - it's become one of my favs. It's nice seeing you all over place (nice feature on Marks' site!) PEACE

Stuart
Stuart

Thank you Jk, it's always a pleasure to connect with you. Glad you loved the post as well :-)

Danny
Danny

Hey there Jk, Thanks for the kind words, mate - I probably sound like a broken record, but it has seriously been great getting to know you recently. Looking forward to hearing more from you, sir, both here and around the web. :)

Mark Harai
Mark Harai

Hey Stu, fancy seeing you over here - if this is any indication of where you're going as a professional blogger, I would have say you are on the move and on the way up the blogosphere ladder my man.

I have to agree with @John's input here Stu, you're a young man with lots of wisdom and this is very solid advice for people to consider!

I think, especially early on, people can get sucked into the social media vacuum, which drains your energy and provides very little if any benefits other than having your productive time sucked away from you.

There is a time that you just need to unplug and/or select only those social platforms that are bringing you results and productivity.

Danny, I'm also profiling Stuart this week on a little series I'm doing. It's great to see you helping young talent spread their wings and get them exposure they deserve.

It's funny, I've called you my blogging mentor (unofficial) a few times out there in the public stream and I've noticed several others are referring to you as their mentor and even a father figure! I'm a bit jealous - LOL!

Seriously, having Stu on here was cool and the man delivered the goods.

Cheers to both of you, you're both gold in my book.

Danny
Danny

Hey there Mark,

Cheers, big guy, much appreciated sir. It's been funny (though incredibly flattering) to see kind words about me the last few days - all this "father" talk is making me feel like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith! :)

And agree, Stuart kicked this blog's ass with this post. No surprise there. :)

Stuart
Stuart

Mark, you are one of the kindest guys I know. No more needs to be said (I've said it all on your tribute anyway!) :-)

Mark Harai
Mark Harai

Hey Stu, fancy seeing you over here - if this is any indication of where you're going as a professional blogger, I would have say you are on the move and on the way up the blogosphere ladder my man.

I have to agree with @John's input here Stu, you're a young man with lots of wisdom and this is very solid advice for people to consider!

I think, especially early on, people can get sucked into the social media vacuum, which drains your energy and provides very little if any benefits other than having your productive time sucked away from you.

There is a time that you just need to unplug and/or select only those social platforms that are bringing you results and productivity.

Danny, I'm also profiling Stuart this week on a little series I'm doing. It's great to see you helping young talent spread their wings and get them exposure they deserve.

It's funny, I've called you my blogging mentor (unofficial) a few times out there in the public stream and I've noticed several others are referring to you as their mentor and even a father figure! I'm a bit jealous - LOL!

Seriously, having Stu on here was cool and the man delivered the goods.

Cheers to both of you, you're both gold in my book.

Mark Harai
Mark Harai

Hey Stu, fancy seeing you over here - if this is any indication of where you're going as a professional blogger, I would have say you are on the move and on the way up the blogosphere ladder my man. I have to agree with @John's input here Stu, you're a young man with lots of wisdom and this is very solid advice for people to consider! I think, especially early on, people can get sucked into the social media vacuum, which drains your energy and provides very little if any benefits other than having your productive time sucked away from you. There is a time that you just need to unplug and/or select only those social platforms that are bringing you results and productivity. Danny, I'm also profiling Stuart this week on a little series I'm doing. It's great to see you helping young talent spread their wings and get them exposure they deserve. It's funny, I've called you my blogging mentor (unofficial) a few times out there in the public stream and I've noticed several others are referring to you as their mentor and even a father figure! I'm a bit jealous - LOL! Seriously, having Stu on here was cool and the man delivered the goods. Cheers to both of you, you're both gold in my book.

Danny
Danny

Hey there Mark, Cheers, big guy, much appreciated sir. It's been funny (though incredibly flattering) to see kind words about me the last few days - all this "father" talk is making me feel like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith! :) And agree, Stuart kicked this blog's ass with this post. No surprise there. :)

Stuart
Stuart

Mark, you are one of the kindest guys I know. No more needs to be said (I've said it all on your tribute anyway!) :-)

Jane | Find All Answers
Jane | Find All Answers

Hi Stuart,

Really some solid point on this post. I agree. Especially with the point that FB is causing issues among couples- I have seen many of my friends. I am not yet on the list because my partner doesn't use FB.

As to networking for business, I think it is a great thing and a must to do (I am actually typing a post on the next tab about the "must" of getting social for bloggers). And business people who are like minded as you will make the interaction healthy unlike the bad-old-bad*** friends who envy you for some strange thing you did back 13 yrs ago.

I enjoy networking when it comes to business. I do have unofficial friends on FB and Twitter but I have a really thick line.

Cheers,
Jane.

Stuart
Stuart

Thanks Jane, sometimes I wonder whether Facebook is worth the time we spend on it. Better sure we make use of it :-)

Jane | Find All Answers
Jane | Find All Answers

Hi Stuart,

Really some solid point on this post. I agree. Especially with the point that FB is causing issues among couples- I have seen many of my friends. I am not yet on the list because my partner doesn't use FB.

As to networking for business, I think it is a great thing and a must to do (I am actually typing a post on the next tab about the "must" of getting social for bloggers). And business people who are like minded as you will make the interaction healthy unlike the bad-old-bad*** friends who envy you for some strange thing you did back 13 yrs ago.

I enjoy networking when it comes to business. I do have unofficial friends on FB and Twitter but I have a really thick line.

Cheers,
Jane.

Jane | Find All Answers
Jane | Find All Answers

Hi Stuart, Really some solid point on this post. I agree. Especially with the point that FB is causing issues among couples- I have seen many of my friends. I am not yet on the list because my partner doesn't use FB. As to networking for business, I think it is a great thing and a must to do (I am actually typing a post on the next tab about the "must" of getting social for bloggers). And business people who are like minded as you will make the interaction healthy unlike the bad-old-bad*** friends who envy you for some strange thing you did back 13 yrs ago. I enjoy networking when it comes to business. I do have unofficial friends on FB and Twitter but I have a really thick line. Cheers, Jane.

Stuart
Stuart

Thanks Jane, sometimes I wonder whether Facebook is worth the time we spend on it. Better sure we make use of it :-)

Riley Harrison
Riley Harrison

Hi Stuart,
Social media does seem to have an addictive quality about it. And it's always at the expense of something else. That being said, one of the upsides is that you can establish some great relationships with kindred spirits. And geographical proximity no longer seem to be a constraining issue. One morning I had fired off 6 emails to friends and suddenly realized they all lived in Australia (I'm a Minnesotan). So the world is shrinking.
Riley

Stuart
Stuart

I prefer to say the world is 'merging', to become one. We're getting closer, in so many ways :-)

Riley Harrison
Riley Harrison

Hi Stuart, Social media does seem to have an addictive quality about it. And it's always at the expense of something else. That being said, one of the upsides is that you can establish some great relationships with kindred spirits. And geographical proximity no longer seem to be a constraining issue. One morning I had fired off 6 emails to friends and suddenly realized they all lived in Australia (I'm a Minnesotan). So the world is shrinking. Riley

Stuart
Stuart

I prefer to say the world is 'merging', to become one. We're getting closer, in so many ways :-)

Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion
Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion

Stu!!! Ya big stud from across the pond, you've come to Danny's house for a little stay, SWEET!! Proud of you bud and well said regarding FB. Keep up the greatness brother. :)

Marcus

Danny
Danny

Did Stuart just get a shaggy lion hug? :)

Stuart
Stuart

I believe I did ;-)

Stuart
Stuart

I shall keep up the greatness Marcus, it's always fun being great!

Hope you're good :-)

Stuart
Stuart

I shall keep up the greatness Marcus, it's always fun being great!

Hope you're good :-)

Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion
Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion

Stu!!! Ya big stud from across the pond, you've come to Danny's house for a little stay, SWEET!! Proud of you bud and well said regarding FB. Keep up the greatness brother. :) Marcus

Danny
Danny

Did Stuart just get a shaggy lion hug? :)

Stuart
Stuart

I believe I did ;-)

Stuart
Stuart

I shall keep up the greatness Marcus, it's always fun being great! Hope you're good :-)

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  10. [...] The Zen Of Social Media (Danny Brown): This post, for the ever-lovable Danny Brown, was written precisely when it was meant to be written. In other words, the post flowed out without me needing to stop. It’s very rare that I achieve that ‘in-the-zone’ feel, so this post meant something to me. It also helped that Danny was very gracious in publishing it the same day. [...]


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