On Giving a Damn
People will agree or disagree with you. People will agree or disagree with how you do things. That’s how it should be – none of us have all the answers.
The trick is in deciding who you give credence to, and who you let pass by because they offer nothing of value except repetition.
But the “trick” is actually pretty easy to work out.
In your personal life, you give a damn about your loved ones – friends, family, partners.
In your professional life, you give a damn about your business partners, your colleagues, your clients and your customers.
If you blog, you give a damn about your community.
If you’re on social networks, you give a damn about people you connect with.
And all the above includes your critics too. Your valid critics – you give a damn about them too, because they help you grow.
Everyone else? Meh. There are better things to spend your time on.
I Am looking at starting a blog to prove i care more than any other architect. I got super motivated by Gary Vaynerchuk talking about his book 'the thank you economy'. The only addition i would make to Danny's excellent post is that you have to be willing to walk the walk when you talk about caring about customers. Authenticity is scary... as you pull back the curtain and reveal how the puppets are controlled. But i would rather make a dollar banking on authenticity, honesty and transparency than making a million through BS. HERES TO CARING.
Meh.
I love that word.
My other favorite is Glenda's line from Wizard of Oz... "Poof. Be gone. You have no power here." I have a little Glenda on my desk top to help me remember to clarify my damn distinctions.
Hi Danny, hello everyone !
I think all is well said above.
As I was writing my post this morning and I thought that if we want (or have the will at least) to foster our communication and bring a sustainable dimension to what we can call "long term external relationships", we have - if not we must - learn to open doors.
Obviously that means with have to show our involvement and engagement to build communities.
No one knows if those damned people you don't know won't help you somedays.
It is important to listen to feedback and critism but not let it eat you up.
Listen, learn, ask questions, improve and then let it go.
I think this should be done in every situation.
Often by listening to the rudest of people you can find the best ideas, as long as you don't let their negativity eat you up and take away your flame.
Well, that's life and everyone have their unique ways to give a damn! I used to it and LOL at it at all times.
Thank Danny. I believe you. There are better things to spend your time on.
i love this. it's all about passion and sincerity in doing what we love. great
and what "damn" for our self ?
I Am looking at starting a blog to prove i care more than any other architect. I got super motivated by Gary Vaynerchuk talking about his book 'the thank you economy'. The only addition i would make to Danny's excellent post is that you have to be willing to walk the walk when you talk about caring about customers. Authenticity is scary... as you pull back the curtain and reveal how the puppets are controlled. But i would rather make a dollar banking on authenticity, honesty and transparency than making a million through BS. HERES TO CARING.
And there's the trick right there, Dave.
Like you say, we can all say something - but doing it, and doing it right, is the real value points.
Cheers, sir, and good luck with the blog!
I've quickly decided that people give a damn about whatever is important to them. That's what they care about. That's what they support. That's what they fight for.
What's important, I think, is looking at ourselves and deciding whether what we give a damn about is a good thing.
That's a good point, mate. It's all well and good giving a damn, but if it's about something that's clearly wrong for you, you're just making it worse.
Cheers for the thoughts mate!
Funny how I finally understood why people say "I don't give a damn!" (I really didn't know, no pun intended)
I guess I give a damn about a few things and I don't give a damn over a LOT of stuff.
Actually now that I'm (finally) thinking about it, I should not give a damn on so many things I give a damn about!
Man... you're the man! Thanks! LOL
Haha, this is quite possibly my favourite comment this week, Sergio - cheers! :)
Meh.
I love that word.
My other favorite is Glenda's line from Wizard of Oz... "Poof. Be gone. You have no power here." I have a little Glenda on my desk top to help me remember to clarify my damn distinctions.
Okay, Mimi, where can I get myself one of these Glenda's??? :)
I'm on it!
Hi Danny, hello everyone !
I think all is well said above.
As I was writing my post this morning and I thought that if we want (or have the will at least) to foster our communication and bring a sustainable dimension to what we can call "long term external relationships", we have - if not we must - learn to open doors.
Obviously that means with have to show our involvement and engagement to build communities.
No one knows if those damned people you don't know won't help you somedays.
Great point, Yael.
Like you say, everyone has something to offer. Though I still have my doubts about those that argue for argument's sake. ;-)
Mr. Brown, glad you're back in the drivers seat, it seemed like everybody was on vacation for the last week :)
You certainly know how to stir things up without even doing anything - haha!
I give a damn about things that matter... The rest I could care less about :P
Cheers mate!
NYC was hard work Mark! Vacation lol!
Now let's give a damn about the people that matter.
Absolutely John - I'm with you 100!
I know, what's with all the quiet blogs? Was there something going on somewhere? ;-)
I give a damn. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to give a damn about; that is the challenge!
I tend to go with the stuff that annoys me the most, or makes me smile the most. Everything in-between is just gravy, mate. ;-)
I think the idea of not giving a damn and the ability of saying "NO" can go hand in hand. I tend to be a perfectionist; I have an idea of how things should go, and if I can exert any control over them, I will and I make damn sure they go as I see fit. The hard part is understanding where to expend one's energies. I have a tendency to focus too much on the minutiae and flat out insignificant items in life, instead of simply giving more of a damn about things that truly matter.
Something I definitely need to work on.
Good point, mate. I've spoken with so many people recently that share that exact sentiment about saying No.
Which can then lead to all sorts of problems... Definitely something that needs to be controlled better.
I am very very offended by your using a naughty French curse word in the title. You must of moved to Montreal?
Problem is people in general care about themselves more than anything else. And they fail to realize that they do themselves a disservice because caring about more than yourself will greatly enhance your success and happiness and rewards in life.
I would have gone with 'Le Damn" had that been the case, mate. But I'll keep the next few clean, just for you. ;-)
I do give a damn about people who really care for me and comment on me genuinely. I love positive feedback both at work and at my personal life. For those leechers who wanna gain attention I simply don't give a damn. If I do give a damn, that makes be upset you know. I'd love to be light :)
Jane.
Exactly, Jane - some people just like to be argumentative for the sake of it. Cool - there are plenty of people out there who like argument for argument's sake, so let them get together.
The rest of us, meanwhile, while just keep on doing what we do with a smile. ;-)
It is important to listen to feedback and critism but not let it eat you up.
Listen, learn, ask questions, improve and then let it go.
I think this should be done in every situation.
Often by listening to the rudest of people you can find the best ideas, as long as you don't let their negativity eat you up and take away your flame.
For sure, Daniel, and like you say, some of our best growth (and future ideas) come from critics. As long as there's validity behind the criticism; otherwise it's just blank air. ;-)
I do give a damn and certainly give a damn more to family, friends and community; but have a tendency to worry about the distractions when all it is is noise anyway.
Sometimes I don't have a good on/off switch but I can do a pretty good job of compartmentalizing at times so if something or somebody is getting to me and it really shouldn't bother me I can set it aside.
Did you make it back to the Great White North?
Hey there Bill,
I hear you, sir. It's easy to get sidetracked by the mundane (although even the mundane can turn into the big).
Like you say, we have the choice and control of how we deal - sometimes we do it better than other times, sometimes not. As long as we learn what worked and keep at that, it's all good.
I did, thank you! Though there was some hairy turbulence on the approach to Buffalo, which was fun...
Hope you're keeping well, sir!
One thing I don't do is sweat the small stuff. Life is too short to be worried about people that don't give a dam about me. Building relationships that turn into something meaningful down the line is worth giving a dam about.
Nothing else matters in my life but my family and the relationships I have created in my life. Great post!
Amen to that, Sonia - we only have a short time here, might as well make sure it's spent with the right people. :)
Well, that's life and everyone have their unique ways to give a damn! I used to it and LOL at it at all times.
Thank Danny. I believe you. There are better things to spend your time on.
Exactly, Kira - like ice cream in the park on a warm day! ;-)
yes, we have to be selective and willing to weed people out based on their usefulness and whether the relationship is reciprocal. On the other hand it also helps to have those who are willing to tell us things we need to hear. We are constantly evolving -- or at least we should be and it's helpful to have people in our corner who sincerely are invested in our growth. Yet, no one else is going to be more invested than we are ourselves. Transparency and authenticity do count!
Hi there Faith,
I don't think the relationship always needs to be reciprocal - for example, I don't expect people to follow me on Twitter just because I follow them. However, reciprocal with respect is almost a given, I think - otherwise what's the point? ;-)
Thanks, miss!
I just don't give a damn about some things :) Well said Danny, your last sentence sums it all!
Oh come on B, you wear your heart on your sleeve...:)
I do but there is one thing people don't seem to realize and it is sitting on my sleeve all the time.
I don't give a damn about some stuff I write about and then I get people to come and say "Wow this is a rant".
I hope one day I will get those people to understand that just because I have the balls to talk about some things doesn't mean I am ranting. Nope, that is my way of chatting. My friends know that but it is hard to express that in online world.
It is not my fault that people don't have the guts to say stuff and they keep kissing everyone's butts. I think you and me both read blogs of such people, you will probably recognize some.
For example, I know that some will read this comment and say "Wow what a rant" but no, it isn't. It is the way I talk and I hope people will finally get that.
Cause I really don't give a damn about those :))))))
Trust me, I know; there were a couple of times I thought you were getting on to me but it was just the way you were talking. I was thinking you might not like me but I certainly know that wasn't the case at all.
I had a post rattling around in my head about how 'polite' everyone seems to be in the social media world.
Oh well, I'm just clunking along and try not to think too deeply about some of this stuff. That way I won't get offended, jealous, wondering who is doing what, etc.
Hope you had a good weekend.
Brankica,
I *totally* hear you on this. This is half of my battle with regard to whether or not to continue participating in/on some social media venues.
I don't "rant"--it's not even in my nature to (publicly) rant--when I do "rant" (to myself about things I observe on a daily basis), it usually tends to be rhetorical in nature.
I am simply a critical thinker and critical commenter--and 99% of the time I'm quite tactful with my commenting. Unfortunately, people seem to view those things as more outcast-ish behavior (butt-kissers that many of them are), and as a result they've become quite stand-offish with me, which is really sad.
I haven't yet figured out why I give a damn, but I really wish that I didn't.
Great comment.
I think if you still do give a damn, soon you won't. I am a person who is rally kinda liked in person, by people around me, but seems to be misunderstood in the online world. I was kinda upset the first time I realized that but here is the best part - real people, that would make great friends for you in life, will understand you perfectly.
Don't change for others and they will appreciate it. It was a big surprise for me to learn that not everyone likes me, lol.
It will just help you clear the area around yourself from the bad people (those butt kissers)
"I am a person who is rally kinda liked in person, by people around me, but seems to be misunderstood in the online world...real people, that would make great friends for you in life, will understand you perfectly."
I think the same's the case with me--you'd think the "real people" part of the issue *should* be sufficient.
Unfortunately, I'm just cursed with wanting to understand what I think might be the social dynamics inherent in "misunderstanding" others, if that makes any sense. --But that's gonna stop, and sooner rather than later for my sanity's sake. ;-D
Hey Brankica, I've never thought any of your posts as rants. I think you have a clear, decisive, honest voice. I appreciate that you say exactly what is on your mind. I am trying to be more courageous in my writing, but I must admit that I wimp out from time to time!
I do but there is one thing people don't seem to realize and it is sitting on my sleeve all the time.
I don't give a damn about some stuff I write about and then I get people to come and say "Wow this is a rant".
I hope one day I will get those people to understand that just because I have the balls to talk about some things doesn't mean I am ranting. Nope, that is my way of chatting. My friends know that but it is hard to express that in online world.
It is not my fault that people don't have the guts to say stuff and they keep kissing everyone's butts. I think you and me both read blogs of such people, you will probably recognize some.
For example, I know that some will read this comment and say "Wow what a rant" but no, it isn't. It is the way I talk and I hope people will finally get that.
Cause I really don't give a damn about those :))))))
Brankica,
I *totally* hear you on this. This is half of my battle with regard to whether or not to continue participating in/on some social media venues.
I don't "rant"--it's not even in my nature to (publicly) rant--when I do "rant" (to myself about things I observe on a daily basis), it usually tends to be rhetorical in nature.
I am simply a critical thinker and critical commenter--and 99% of the time I'm quite tactful with my commenting. Unfortunately, people seem to view those things as more outcast-ish behavior (butt-kissers that many of them are), and as a result they've become quite stand-offish with me, which is really sad.
I haven't yet figured out why I give a damn, but I really wish that I didn't.
Great comment.
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