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The Problem With Perception

June 21, 2011 59 Comments
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In public, people say and do things to build a perception of them.

Some of this is calculated; some, natural. After all, perception is everything. It gets you work; clients; a promotion; a date; a raise; and more.

No-one wants to be perceived as anything but awesome, so they build the perception about them carefully. Others buy into it, and the perception crafting reaps its reward.

The problem is, perception – by definition – is fragile. All it takes is for one slip, and the house of cards that is your perception comes crashing down. And the funny thing is, it doesn’t even have to happen in public for it to start making a difference in public.

All the more reason to be consistent across the board, no?

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About Danny

Danny Brown is Chief Technologist at ArCompany and an award-winning marketer and blogger. His blog is recognized as the #1 marketing blog in the world by HubSpot. Danny is also co-author of Influence Marketing: How to Create, Manage and Measure Brand Influencers in Social Media Marketing.

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Ryan Critchett
Ryan Critchett

Huge post bro, with such little words. I agree completely. (not that I'm one of those dudes who agrees with everyone on the planet, but I totally align with this)

I think web 3.0, or social media, does a great job of forcing people into authenticity and certainly consistency.

I heart that.

Danny
Danny

Ironically, this post was inspired by a "name" in social media being the complete opposite of the person he portrays himself to be in public.

Go figure. ;-)

Ryan Critchett
Ryan Critchett

Huge post bro, with such little words. I agree completely. (not that I'm one of those dudes who agrees with everyone on the planet, but I totally align with this)

I think web 3.0, or social media, does a great job of forcing people into authenticity and certainly consistency.

I heart that.

Ryan Critchett
Ryan Critchett

Huge post bro, with such little words. I agree completely. (not that I'm one of those dudes who agrees with everyone on the planet, but I totally align with this) I think web 3.0, or social media, does a great job of forcing people into authenticity and certainly consistency. I heart that.

Danny
Danny

Ironically, this post was inspired by a "name" in social media being the complete opposite of the person he portrays himself to be in public. Go figure. ;-)

Warren Etheredge
Warren Etheredge

The problem is perception is not your reality, it is other people's reality, so while you may try to be consistent, you cannot control others' views of you. Popular opinion is not always popular... or reflective of the truth. So, I suggest, we acknowledge we are imperfect, inconsistent creatures and trust that good and bad perceptions balance out as we create a pattern of success and decency in accordance with our own standards and beliefs.

Danny
Danny

Couldn't agree more, Warren. Trying to uphold what is essentially a lie is impossible.

Be you and be accepted for that - simpler, and easier to "not" maintain. ;-)

Warren Etheredge
Warren Etheredge

The problem is perception is not your reality, it is other people's reality, so while you may try to be consistent, you cannot control others' views of you. Popular opinion is not always popular... or reflective of the truth. So, I suggest, we acknowledge we are imperfect, inconsistent creatures and trust that good and bad perceptions balance out as we create a pattern of success and decency in accordance with our own standards and beliefs.

Danny
Danny

Couldn't agree more, Warren. Trying to uphold what is essentially a lie is impossible. Be you and be accepted for that - simpler, and easier to "not" maintain. ;-)

Extreme John
Extreme John

You simply just cannot control people's perception on you. Being who you are is all it takes if you want to gain people's trust. Pretending to be who you are not, has a price in the end.

Danny
Danny

EXACTLY, mate! So why try and fake it :)

Extreme John
Extreme John

You simply just cannot control people's perception on you. Being who you are is all it takes if you want to gain people's trust. Pretending to be who you are not, has a price in the end.

Danny
Danny

EXACTLY, mate! So why try and fake it :)

Extreme John
Extreme John

You simply just cannot control people's perception on you. Being who you are is all it takes if you want to gain people's trust. Pretending to be who you are not, has a price in the end.

Ari Herzog
Ari Herzog

Wearing my hat as a city councilor, I am fond of the 3-word phrase, "Perception is reality." I am always cognizant what people think because even if what they think is not the truth, that is the perception and either I have to set them straight or accept they're right.

Danny
Danny

Do you think government officials have a harder time of being real versus perception, because of the position and view of politics in general, Ari?

Ari Herzog
Ari Herzog

It's beyond government. When I worked as a waiter in a restaurant, management constantly said, "The customer is always right." Even if you know the customer is wrong and the order placed came out correct, you smile and tell the customer, "Yes," and you can then yell at the kitchen staff. Chefs have it hard because they know the waitstaff will yell at them, but that's how it goes to please the customer. Outsiders don't fully understand organizational culture, be it city government or a restaurant or anything. Their perception, though, is reality I say.

Ari Herzog
Ari Herzog

Wearing my hat as a city councilor, I am fond of the 3-word phrase, "Perception is reality." I am always cognizant what people think because even if what they think is not the truth, that is the perception and either I have to set them straight or accept they're right.

Danny
Danny

Do you think government officials have a harder time of being real versus perception, because of the position and view of politics in general, Ari?

Ari Herzog
Ari Herzog

It's beyond government. When I worked as a waiter in a restaurant, management constantly said, "The customer is always right." Even if you know the customer is wrong and the order placed came out correct, you smile and tell the customer, "Yes," and you can then yell at the kitchen staff. Chefs have it hard because they know the waitstaff will yell at them, but that's how it goes to please the customer.

Outsiders don't fully understand organizational culture, be it city government or a restaurant or anything. Their perception, though, is reality I say.

Amber Avines
Amber Avines

Like the saying goes, perception is reality.

That's really quite scary, but it's a warning that we all need to keep in mind. Unfortunately, most people are all too quick to jump to conclusions. To form opinions based on no, or few, facts. It's really unsettling, but it's the truth.

I try desperately not to do that. There's always a backstory. Important nuggets of information that I'm not privy to, so I try very hard not to form opinions based on vague truths. But, perception is a powerful thing. And, unfortunately, it's frequently not based in truth.

Amber Avines
Amber Avines

Like the saying goes, perception is reality.

That's really quite scary, but it's a warning that we all need to keep in mind. Unfortunately, most people are all too quick to jump to conclusions. To form opinions based on no, or few, facts. It's really unsettling, but it's the truth.

I try desperately not to do that. There's always a backstory. Important nuggets of information that I'm not privy to, so I try very hard not to form opinions based on vague truths. But, perception is a powerful thing. And, unfortunately, it's frequently not based in truth.

Danny
Danny

So true, Amber.

Many people say that first impressions are key. I used to believe that too, then found that some of the smartest people I know I viewed as anything but, based on first impressions.

Here's to less first impressions and wrong perceptions. :)

Amber Avines
Amber Avines

Like the saying goes, perception is reality. That's really quite scary, but it's a warning that we all need to keep in mind. Unfortunately, most people are all too quick to jump to conclusions. To form opinions based on no, or few, facts. It's really unsettling, but it's the truth. I try desperately not to do that. There's always a backstory. Important nuggets of information that I'm not privy to, so I try very hard not to form opinions based on vague truths. But, perception is a powerful thing. And, unfortunately, it's frequently not based in truth.

Danny
Danny

So true, Amber. Many people say that first impressions are key. I used to believe that too, then found that some of the smartest people I know I viewed as anything but, based on first impressions. Here's to less first impressions and wrong perceptions. :)

ExapatDoctorMom
ExapatDoctorMom

Dear Danny

Another great post. And so concise must work on this!

At any rate, before going online I was pretty much the same in private as I was in public. And now, it is not that I have changed, I am just all too aware how the perception can come crashing down. I need to just become unaware of this as you can feel like you are walking on eggshells at times!

cheers,
Rajka

Danny
Danny

Awareness is definitely something that can "trip" people up, Rajka.

I liken it to being aware of your blinking or breathing. It's natural to do it - but when you actually concentrate on either, they get weird and you get out of sync.

Best just to be blissfully unaware, hehe :)

ExapatDoctorMom
ExapatDoctorMom

Dear Danny

Another great post. And so concise must work on this!

At any rate, before going online I was pretty much the same in private as I was in public. And now, it is not that I have changed, I am just all too aware how the perception can come crashing down. I need to just become unaware of this as you can feel like you are walking on eggshells at times!

cheers,
Rajka

Danny
Danny

Awareness is definitely something that can "trip" people up, Rajka.

I liken it to being aware of your blinking or breathing. It's natural to do it - but when you actually concentrate on either, they get weird and you get out of sync.

Best just to be blissfully unaware, hehe :)

ExapatDoctorMom
ExapatDoctorMom

Dear Danny Another great post. And so concise must work on this! At any rate, before going online I was pretty much the same in private as I was in public. And now, it is not that I have changed, I am just all too aware how the perception can come crashing down. I need to just become unaware of this as you can feel like you are walking on eggshells at times! cheers, Rajka

Danny
Danny

Awareness is definitely something that can "trip" people up, Rajka. I liken it to being aware of your blinking or breathing. It's natural to do it - but when you actually concentrate on either, they get weird and you get out of sync. Best just to be blissfully unaware, hehe :)

Tara Rodden Robinson
Tara Rodden Robinson

Hi Danny,

Thanks for the thought provoking post. I've always taken the view that I'm going to show up as me, mistakes and shortcomings and all. I want my readers to know that I stumble and fall sometimes, too. It would feel totally exhausting to me (not to mention, phony) to have to pretend to be perfect and build some sort of false perception of me in people's minds. I'd prefer to have people perceive of me as kind and real more than anything else.

With best wishes,
Tara

Danny
Danny

The great thing with that approach, Tara, is that your readers are far more likely to "support" if you need it, because you're one of them - with flaws and all.

Can't argue with that. ;-)

Tara Rodden Robinson
Tara Rodden Robinson

Hi Danny, Thanks for the thought provoking post. I've always taken the view that I'm going to show up as me, mistakes and shortcomings and all. I want my readers to know that I stumble and fall sometimes, too. It would feel totally exhausting to me (not to mention, phony) to have to pretend to be perfect and build some sort of false perception of me in people's minds. I'd prefer to have people perceive of me as kind and real more than anything else. With best wishes, Tara

Danny
Danny

The great thing with that approach, Tara, is that your readers are far more likely to "support" if you need it, because you're one of them - with flaws and all. Can't argue with that. ;-)

Bil Smith
Bil Smith

There are entirely too many companies that are built around the perceived abilities or qualifications of one person. And its sad to see that time and time again, once those beliefs are tested, that those people - and by default, those companies - fail. Unfortunately any time you have people making money and people spending money, there will always be someone who wants to pretend to be something they're not to get into their wallets. Hopefully one day that will change.

Danny
Danny

So true, Bill.

I look at some of the big companies that have either gone bust or being taken over by a competitor.

And when you look at the reason why, it's invariably because the person (or people) at the top oversold themselves and under-delivered on the actuality.

Ah well... Like you say, here's to change, mate. :)

Bil Smith
Bil Smith

There are entirely too many companies that are built around the perceived abilities or qualifications of one person. And its sad to see that time and time again, once those beliefs are tested, that those people - and by default, those companies - fail. Unfortunately any time you have people making money and people spending money, there will always be someone who wants to pretend to be something they're not to get into their wallets. Hopefully one day that will change.

Danny
Danny

So true, Bill. I look at some of the big companies that have either gone bust or being taken over by a competitor. And when you look at the reason why, it's invariably because the person (or people) at the top oversold themselves and under-delivered on the actuality. Ah well... Like you say, here's to change, mate. :)

Michael Schechter
Michael Schechter

Thankfully (or naturally) I tend to come at this from the opposite direction. I pretty much realize that I'm a mess and constantly work on improving. As long as there is that drive to improve, I've never minded having the mess out there in public.

Kinda sad that we finally have a way to be ourself on the internet and all some try to do is use the tools to look like someone (or more likely everyone) else.

I want to be perceived as someone who is striving towards awesome and am ok with the fact that I'm not nearly all the way there just yet...

Danny
Danny

Your point about scale is a good one, Mike.

It's funny - like you say, every one of us has an amazing opportunity to reach more people than we ever could, and share whatever message we'd like to - business, personal, sales, etc.

So why mess that up with a false persona and be found out afterward? Because you usually are, online. ;-)

Danny
Danny

Your point about scale is a good one, Mike.

It's funny - like you say, every one of us has an amazing opportunity to reach more people than we ever could, and share whatever message we'd like to - business, personal, sales, etc.

So why mess that up with a false persona and be found out afterward? Because you usually are, online. ;-)

Michael Schechter
Michael Schechter

Thankfully (or naturally) I tend to come at this from the opposite direction. I pretty much realize that I'm a mess and constantly work on improving. As long as there is that drive to improve, I've never minded having the mess out there in public. Kinda sad that we finally have a way to be ourself on the internet and all some try to do is use the tools to look like someone (or more likely everyone) else. I want to be perceived as someone who is striving towards awesome and am ok with the fact that I'm not nearly all the way there just yet...

Danny
Danny

Your point about scale is a good one, Mike. It's funny - like you say, every one of us has an amazing opportunity to reach more people than we ever could, and share whatever message we'd like to - business, personal, sales, etc. So why mess that up with a false persona and be found out afterward? Because you usually are, online. ;-)

leon Noone
leon Noone

G'Day Danny,
Back in 1976, I saw a training movie-no video then-called "The Pygmalion Effect." It was based on those famous words of GBS through the mouth of Eliza Doolittle. "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves. It's how she's treated."

I've been fascinated by perception ever since. I've even written a few blog posts about it.

I agree with you about how we try to create positive perceptions of ourselves, our products, our services and our business. And I agree that perception is indeed a fragile flower.

But it's easy to forget that perception's a two way street.

For instance, I try to create a positive perception of my expertise in the eyes of Danny Brown. But Danny Brown also brings his perceptions to the transaction table.

That's the bit we should always remember.

That's how this Curmudgeon from Down Unda perceives it anyway.

Make sure you have fun

Regards

Leon

leon Noone
leon Noone

G'Day Danny,
Back in 1976, I saw a training movie-no video then-called "The Pygmalion Effect." It was based on those famous words of GBS through the mouth of Eliza Doolittle. "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves. It's how she's treated."

I've been fascinated by perception ever since. I've even written a few blog posts about it.

I agree with you about how we try to create positive perceptions of ourselves, our products, our services and our business. And I agree that perception is indeed a fragile flower.

But it's easy to forget that perception's a two way street.

For instance, I try to create a positive perception of my expertise in the eyes of Danny Brown. But Danny Brown also brings his perceptions to the transaction table.

That's the bit we should always remember.

That's how this Curmudgeon from Down Unda perceives it anyway.

Make sure you have fun

Regards

Leon

Danny
Danny

That's a great point and thanks for raising it, mate. Sure, we can do all we can to be ourselves - our genune selves - but sometimes folks will just have a certain perception ingrained.

Cheers, mate - and I remember video! ;-)

Trackbacks

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    [...] The Problem With Perception originally appeared on Danny Brown | Social Media Marketing Blog – The Human Side of Media and the Social Side of Marketing under a Creative Commons license. [...]


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