The Art of Being an Asshat




asshat

Sometimes you read something, or you hear something, and it just makes you stop and say, “Seriously?!?”.

Often this is from a pitch selling a company’s products or services. It can be from the company directly, or it can be from their marketing or PR agency.

Note – there are many great PR and marketing agencies out there doing great work. This just makes the crappy ones stand out even more.

So it was when I heard about this pitch. Sent to Lani Rosales, Editor-in-Chief of AGBeat, it’s a great example of either crass stupidity or outright superiority. Here’s the full exchange:

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 5:31 AM, Joseph Smith <josephsmith99over@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear Lani,

I would like to send you our press release but I will need you to personally sign a non disclosure agreement first.

Signed,

JS

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:00 AM, Lani Rosales <lani.rosales@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi Joseph, I didn’t catch the company name?

LR

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:01 AM, Joseph Smith <josephsmith99over@gmail.com> wrote:

You are required to sign an NDA prior to any communication with me or my client.

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:08 AM, Lani Rosales <lani.rosales@gmail.com> wrote:

Joseph,

I am happy to sign any NDA that we deem to have merit but cannot do so without knowing basic details like a company name. I’m sure you don’t mean to waste my time and I certainly don’t intend on wasting yours, so company name or it didn’t happen.

LR

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:20 AM, Joseph Smith <josephsmith99over@gmail.com> wrote:

[blank email with NDA attached, naming company as "Company Name Withheld"]

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:21 AM, Lani Rosales <lani.rosales@gmail.com> wrote:

Joseph,

I am not authorized to sign that as I have made clear and I feel that you are aware. When you are prepared to share your company name or any basic hints of information, you have my email, otherwise please do not waste any more of my time.

LR

On Fri, June 17, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Joseph Smith <josephsmith99over@gmail.com> wrote:

Lani, you will be missing out on an incredible opportonity [sic] as we have not approached any other news outlet. Perhaps your competitor would be more interested. We will not forget your lack of kindness.

Most sincerely,

Joseph

I have to admit, when I read it, I thought Lani was extremely professional in her patience – I would have really been tempted to have some fun. Something about Joseph signing my NDA about his mom and girlfriend, and the polaroids from Stripper Joe’s…

Seriously, though, is this what we’ve now come to? Asking people to sign a non-disclosure agreement before they even know what they’re signing up for? And then ignoring the person you want to write about you, and sending the NDA anyway? Then, just to top it off, basically using a threat as a closing statement?

No wonder the PR industry gets such a tough time (though, to be honest, I’m wary of this even coming from a PR agency, but it’s not impossible).

Unfortunately, “Joseph Smith” is the John Doe of the communications industry, as a reverse email search doesn’t bring up any information about him. Probably just as well – it’d be pretty embarrassing to find he’s a member of your PR team or business.

So, some simple tips when looking to get people and publications to write about you.

  • Respect their time and intelligence.
  • Don’t be bolshy.
  • Don’t come across as asshat-ish as Joseph Smith.
  • NDA’s are all well and good, but you need to let us know who we’re being approached about first.
  • Did I mention don’t be an asshat?

Honestly, it’s not all that hard. And you’re more than likely to get the kind of promotion you’re after…

image: Lh3

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Definitely deserving of it's own special place in the Sales Pitch Hall of fame - not to mention an acknowledgement on Seth Meyer's "Seriously?" segment on Weekend Update. Also, great photo and I plan to incorporate the word "Asshat" into a conversation today :)

Fantastic! I think she was very well composed. These kind communications make me boil instantly. I automatically think scam but its scarier to think it might actually be legit! Complete time wasters!

On another note the images should defiantly have like buttons along with the titles.. Classic, I love them :)

Fantastic story there Danny. I absolutely think that it is key to show humbleness at all times. This one really got out of hand.

It's a great reminder to focus on others more than on ourselves. It will get us all we ever wanted! :)

I'm guessing this guy learned how to write emails from Buffalo Bill(villain from the movie "Silence Of The Lambs")...

Buffalo Bill Protege: It signs the non-disclosure statement.

Lani: Uh, not until I at least know the name of the company, thank you.

Buffalo Bill Protege: It signs the non-disclosure agreement or it gets the hose again.

Lani: Uhm, yeah, I'd love to see about helping you out but I at least want to know the name of the company I'd be helping and then decide where we can go from there.

Buffalo Bill Protege: SIGN THE FUCKING AGREEMENT!!!

What I'm wondering is how many times he's put the hose to people before and made this work in order for him to still be using it now.

Thank you Danny for taking the time to show any Buffalo Bill proteges lurking on the web the flaws in the masters teachings. :)

LOL, that pic was seriously hilarious, Danny!

As for the email conversation....been there, done that! It seems more and more lately every prospective client wants us to sign one (which we have no problem with at all). But more and more it is following this pattern, the only difference is via phone call. Some hesitate even telling us anything other than their first name!!! Yet they then expect I will supply them with my email to get us NDA and agree to sign a NDA with no other info on it other than their first name! Not happening.

We have gotten snotty retorts to our refusal as well, even threats like you mentioned. I always think, yeah good luck getting any of our competitors to sign it! I would say roughly 75% end up coming back willing to play nice when they get the same response from other developers. And when they do come back, we usually chuckle because their potential project is never rocket science or something we havent done 50 times already!

Hi, Danny.

Hope you don't mind me butting in on the conversations above. Really had fun here, from the image up to the comments. Although I really didn't appreciate John Smith. I wouldn't have given that bolshy jerk a second of my day. But, Lani, she is a saint and the perfect example of what a professional should be. She deserves an award really.

It is just so sad and frustrating that there are many people who resort to the same tactic John Smith used nowadays. I mean, where are their brains and their common sense? In their behinds? Don't they know that they wouldn't be able to get what they want that way?

Respect and kindness beget respect and kindness. So, if you want these, give them out first. Right?

All I can say is that poor, poor cat.

I agree with everyone...the journalist showed incredible patience and professionalism. Joseph...not so much.

Now, to use bolshy in a sentence today! Thanks!

Wow. I can't believe PR companies still behave like this! It's like they watched an episode of Mad Men and said "This is the future of the business!"

Hi Danny love the photo. Had never heard that term "Asshat!" Love it.

Very bizarre with the NDA. Clearly a scam of some sort and agreed the replies were much to nice or professional. I would have fun with the emails as well.

G'Day Danny,
It's 7.30 on Monday morning here in Sydney in the land Down Unda. I just had to say thank you for providing me with a good giggle to start my week.

"Joseph Smith" indeed! Reminds me of that old saw that says ,"Would the opera "Verdi" been such a success if it had been written by an Englishman called Joe Green?"

Have a great week
Regards

Leon

This is one of those interactions that gets posted online where I almost don't believe (or maybe don't want to believe) that something like this could happen.

And what's the point of getting an exclusive on information if have to sign a nondisclosure agreement? Methinks something shady was happening here that had nothing to do with PR.

The biggest takeaway here is not to burn bridges. Even if your terms are reasonable and customers are not interested (politely refusing or no), there's no benefit in saying that they're missing out or threatening to offer it to their competition.

P.S. Best blog post header image EVER.

by the way Danny , what's the meaning with picture ? isn't it relevan ???
great ...Danny

And we wonder why the media get annoyed with public relations practitioners. This reporter showed extreme professionalism.

DUDE. This is turning my stomach. Tell me it ain't so and didn't happen? I want/need to think this is a ploy to smear mud on all PR. Not even the dumbest person can be this ignorant; what's the email address, I'd like us all to spam this idiot. Sigh. I'm dying over here; all the good we're striving for is falling on the ears of the already good. The jamokes doing the dirties aren't even listening.

P.S. WTF is bolshy -- some Scottish sheep breed?

Danny, This title and picture? Hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh :). Regarding Lani and "Joseph Smith's" email exchange, all I can say is wow. Lani's patience and professionalism are admirable. As for J.S., like @Dave Van de Walle said, sadly, this type of behavior is rampant in all types of industries.

That was almost as funny as your sheep video!

First off if that email is genuine I am always skeptical of any that come from a personal gmail account.

That said I have a very special webinar. It costs only $99.99CAN (I won't accept US dollars) on how to be an Uber Asshat and Might Douchenozzle. It lasts only 15 minutes and you leave with a real certificate of achievement and you also get a bumper sticker and Number 4 pencil. Slots are filling up fast so do not miss this incredible one time only opportunity.

Danny,

You photo made me spit coffee all over my shirt. Thanks a lot!

This country has become NDA crazed. We think that everything is top secret. I see companies trying to raise money insisting on an NDA before they share their first pitch. Really? You want me to give you money? Unbelievable.

I have to say, this is clearly not real, a scam or spam. The fact that it comes via a gmail account, from someone with no digital footprint should mean it isn't used in the same breath as genuine PR &amp; marketing agencies.

It's a bit like featuring a viagra spam email and then saying, "There are many great pharmacies out there, but..."

They're not the same thing.

I used to deal with these types when I was responsible for online lead generation. I would get calls and emails pitching me on this CPM deal or that one, for various sized banner ads. I would calmly explain that I was only interested in CPA, or maybe CPC under the right circumstances. Yet, they would send me insertion orders for CPM deals, and then call me to ask when they could expect to get the signed order back! Huge waste of my time, and theirs.

Love the pic Danny!

Danny, I considered using that exact word, asshat, in a post title shortly after the NHL playoffs ended with a mob riot scene in Vancouver... a situation we all know was perpetrated by a few asshats. I shied away from using it and I applaud you, sir!
The silver lining? As long as the asshats continue to engage this way it stays easy to separate them from the legitimate.
Regards,
Darren Sproat

This does not surprise me in the least sadly. I have gotten several communications from PR groups that have been condescending and rude. It is so hard not to say anything snarky in response.

Definitely deserving of it's own special place in the Sales Pitch Hall of fame - not to mention an acknowledgement on Seth Meyer's "Seriously?" segment on Weekend Update. Also, great photo and I plan to incorporate the word "Asshat" into a conversation today :)

Fantastic! I think she was very well composed. These kind communications make me boil instantly. I automatically think scam but its scarier to think it might actually be legit! Complete time wasters!

On another note the images should defiantly have like buttons along with the titles.. Classic, I love them :)

Haha, thanks Naomi - you know, it takes me almost as much time to find (hopefully) the right picture as it takes to write the post. Fun times! :)

Fantastic story there Danny. I absolutely think that it is key to show humbleness at all times. This one really got out of hand.

It's a great reminder to focus on others more than on ourselves. It will get us all we ever wanted! :)

Hey there Leo,

Yeah, it's easy to see which of the two "combatants" come out the better for this exchange... ;-)

This literally made me laugh out loud. I'm with Lu...do you have a freaking clue, dude? As I said to Lani privately, "But Lani, he sent you a press release! Get a clue, woman."

HAHAHAH! What an idiot. I makes my heart hurt for the PR industry.

I'm guessing this guy learned how to write emails from Buffalo Bill(villain from the movie "Silence Of The Lambs")...

Buffalo Bill Protege: It signs the non-disclosure statement.

Lani: Uh, not until I at least know the name of the company, thank you.

Buffalo Bill Protege: It signs the non-disclosure agreement or it gets the hose again.

Lani: Uhm, yeah, I'd love to see about helping you out but I at least want to know the name of the company I'd be helping and then decide where we can go from there.

Buffalo Bill Protege: SIGN THE FUCKING AGREEMENT!!!

What I'm wondering is how many times he's put the hose to people before and made this work in order for him to still be using it now.

Thank you Danny for taking the time to show any Buffalo Bill proteges lurking on the web the flaws in the masters teachings. :)

Haha, LOVE the Buffalo Bill analogy, though can't help thinking of Stewie Griffin doing it when the little girl was stuck down the well. :)

LOL, that pic was seriously hilarious, Danny!

As for the email conversation....been there, done that! It seems more and more lately every prospective client wants us to sign one (which we have no problem with at all). But more and more it is following this pattern, the only difference is via phone call. Some hesitate even telling us anything other than their first name!!! Yet they then expect I will supply them with my email to get us NDA and agree to sign a NDA with no other info on it other than their first name! Not happening.

We have gotten snotty retorts to our refusal as well, even threats like you mentioned. I always think, yeah good luck getting any of our competitors to sign it! I would say roughly 75% end up coming back willing to play nice when they get the same response from other developers. And when they do come back, we usually chuckle because their potential project is never rocket science or something we havent done 50 times already!

That's the thing, Jennifer - how successful does this guy (or others like him) think this type of approach will be?

There's going to come a time, especially when it's in a certain niche, that editors will have a Google Doc running between each other, highlighting crappy approaches like this.

Once that happens, the sender basically has nowhere to go. Then what? ;-)

This post reminds me of Marcus' take on that blogging jerk a few weeks ago, it's the same thing:

Self-respecting human being has altercation with giant twit which results in everyone discussing just how much of a twit this twit really is.

I feel left out that I haven't had any idiots contact me recently, I'd write a post about it! :-)

I can email you anonymously if that works? :)

Yeah, please do, I'll write about that guy who hassled me for whisky, then threatened to take me to court when I said I didn't have any ;-)

I think this guy ran training courses in Dubai in mastering the art of busting chops! Sadly, this is not at all shocking, but I a delighted to find that I can now label these morons Asshats! Sweet!

I'm sure John has seen a few examples of these? ;-)

Well, actually, as John's business partner, and self appointed office bitch, it was me who dealt with the array of asshats!

Hi, Danny.

Hope you don't mind me butting in on the conversations above. Really had fun here, from the image up to the comments. Although I really didn't appreciate John Smith. I wouldn't have given that bolshy jerk a second of my day. But, Lani, she is a saint and the perfect example of what a professional should be. She deserves an award really.

It is just so sad and frustrating that there are many people who resort to the same tactic John Smith used nowadays. I mean, where are their brains and their common sense? In their behinds? Don't they know that they wouldn't be able to get what they want that way?

Respect and kindness beget respect and kindness. So, if you want these, give them out first. Right?

"Treat people like you want to be treated yourself."

Old saying, but so true, miss. :)

My thoughts exactly, Danny. :)

the pictures is funny but where in this work cat and dog become play mate?and ana your right where in this world can we trust people to our secrets sad to say very few people can be trusted...

Wow...it's incredible how many people lack manners or common sense! Lani has the patience of a saint!

Funny how the more opportunities social tools give us to connect, the less social we seem to be, eh Sara? ;-)

I don't know HOW you find these images. but don't change.

Gini's mom sends me them...

Oh yes, sadly this is what the world has come to. If it is such a great thing, why keep it a secret. Everyone will know about it soon enough.

Danny, this is such a ridiculous exchange (or, non-exchange). I would never have even replied to the first e-mail. It is frustrating to see this kind of behavior largely, as you have said, because it perpetuates negative ideas about public relations. Most pitches I see, from both an editorial and PR side, are perfectly reasonable and professional. @ryoatcision

Hi there Ryo,

Completely agree, mate and thankfully there are great PR folks that combat this stupidity by how they do business (many of whom are kindly here in the comments).

Here's to those people being the norm. :)

All I can say is that poor, poor cat.

I agree with everyone...the journalist showed incredible patience and professionalism. Joseph...not so much.

Now, to use bolshy in a sentence today! Thanks!

You never know, miss, maybe it was an Autumn day and the cat was actually grateful? ;-)

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