Lessons From An Asshole

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Over on Facebook yesterday, technology blogger Robert Scoble opened a discussion about Twitter versus Facebook versus Google+, based on an observation by Digg founder Kevin Rose and how these platforms offered different engagement.

One of the commenters, Aimee Giese, left her take, and offered a counter to Robert’s view that Twitter was basically a dead zone now, and all the social media interaction is happening on Google+ and Facebook. To which Robert offered the reply as seen in the image below:

Robert Scoble and Aimee Giese

If you think Robert’s reply to Aimee, and his claim that she can’t have many friends or family members, is over the top, you wouldn’t be alone.

As well as people that continued to have a debate about the merits of Twitter, Facebook and Google+, many offered their take on Robert’s jibe (intentional or otherwise):

Stephanie Quilao

As you can see, the responses ranged from disbelief to anger and disappointment. Yes, we all get riled up, and yes, we say things we probably regret – but that used to be to a limited crowd. Friends down the pub, or work colleagues, for example.

With social media, though, that local crowd has become millions-strong, and everything we say is up for grabs. And if you’re in a position of “influence”, as Robert Scoble is to many, then that amplification becomes even louder (as of writing, the image Aimee uploaded to TwitPic has had just over 16,500 views).

In fairness to Robert, he did apologize to Aimee on Google+, and admitted he had been an asshole and stepped over the mark (although an apology on the original Facebook thread would perhaps have made more sense).

So can we learn anything from what happened yesterday? After all, it’s a prime case of what many brands are afraid of when it comes to social media – a negative interaction. There are a few things.

We Are Always On Display

You might think that a comment or notification is flippant, or not as important as others might see it. The problem is, people have very different views when it comes to what they see as acceptable and what they see as insulting.

Before we (or brands) make a statement, we need to think a little bit more to see if it will be misconstrued. Many of the people that commented on Robert’s apology feel Aimee took it too personally, and Robert wasn’t in any way to blame. Personally, I disagree with this – I think it’s exactly what Robert said it was in his apology (“way over the line”).

But others obviously disagree.

So just consider if the tone of response is appropriate, and even needed. Brands especially have detractors (customers hate to be let down), so it’s even more important to be on your game when making public statements.

Apologies Are Better When Immediate

When the Facebook wall lit up last night with support for Aimee, it was clear that many felt she was owed an apology from Robert. And, as I mentioned, he quickly apologized over on Google+, and made sure to tag Aimee too, so she knew he had mentioned her.

Too many people and brands leave their apologies until long after the event – this doesn’t help their cause. The belief then is that it’s just a carefully orchestrated corporate PR  response, and the intent isn’t really there.

Sure, for some cases an apology and how it’s worded may have to go through legal channels for approval, to ensure more damage isn’t done. But for something like Robert’s gaffe, a speedy (and honest) apology not only helps douse more flames, but shows people you actually have the balls to admit when you’re wrong, and take ownership.

That goes a long way in reputation management.

Fanboys Wear Shit Goggles

One of the interesting/sad aspects of the whole thread was how many people “Liked” Robert’s reply to Aimee (17 at current count). Does this mean 17 people think it’s okay to insult someone, and raise questions about that person’s ability to make friends?

Then on Robert’s Google+ apology, more people are chipping in and saying Aimee (and those that felt Robert’s comment was out of place) are over-reacting, and need to grow up. A couple of examples:

At least DeWayne Lehman admits to being a professional asshole…

Yes, healthy debate is good, and that’s the beauty of the web – we’re offered far more open options to have a debate, as opposed to just having the views of one with no option to disagree.

Unfortunately, you’ll always have the fanboys that seem to wear shit goggles, as it feels like anything others say is just shit (unless it’s from the object of their affection).

We just need to accept that some people’s opinion will more than likely always be skewed, and no amount of debate is going to change that view. So don’t waste your energy there, and move on to where you can have a healthy debate.

We all make mistakes. Or we all say something that can be viewed as a mistake.

Some people handle it better than others. Kudos to Robert for rectifying his. If only more would step up to the plate in the same way…

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About Danny

Danny Brown is Chief Technologist at ArCompany, helping clients turn social media intelligence into business results. He’s the co-author of Influence Marketing: How to Create, Manage and Measure Brand Influencers in Social Media Marketing, described as "the book that will change the way we do business today." He’s an award-winning marketer whose delivered results for organizations like Microsoft Canada, BlackBerry, FedEx, Ford Canada and LG Electronics, and his blog is recognized as the #1 marketing blog in the world by HubSpot.

258 comments
Brent@Echelonseo.com
Brent@Echelonseo.com like.author.displayName 1 Like

Hey Danny - I'm late finding this one, but great post - others should see this.I don't know Aimee, but I don't need to to be offended by Robert's comments. They are rude and arrogant! I am on my way over to un-circle Robert now.

Brent
Brent

Hey Danny - I'm late finding this one, but great post - others should see this.I don't know Aimee, but I don't need to to be offended by Robert's comments. They are rude and arrogant! I am on my way over to un-circle Robert now.

KarlWalinskas
KarlWalinskas

Great article, it was true when we were kids and it's true now. You should always think before you speak. Even more so when you are leaving an online fingerprint with that flippant comment. Everything can be linked back you somehow and it's so important to not say something you will regret later.

KarlWalinskas
KarlWalinskas like.author.displayName 1 Like

Great article, it was true when we were kids and it's true now. You should always think before you speak. Even more so when you are leaving an online fingerprint with that flippant comment. Everything can be linked back you somehow and it's so important to not say something you will regret later.

Search Engine Marketing St Charles
Search Engine Marketing St Charles like.author.displayName 1 Like

Talk is extremely dangerous on social media. But there is one aspect that a lot of people over look. We all have to realize with a comment like this what is going to happen. There are going to be thousands of links back to the thread that the argument took place on. And as all of us know links are amazing.

I know Robert completely over reacted and Aimee has gained more respect. But Robert has benefited the most from this due to the mass volume of links. Now links are not everything and just because he will be found everywhere for this no one will ever like him and he has ultimately failed because of his own stupidity of wanting nothing but links.

Danny Brown
Danny Brown moderator

@Search Engine Marketing St Charles That would be true if it wasn't on Facebook where it happened - the only one benefiting from any links would be Facebook.

Search Engine Marketing St Charles
Search Engine Marketing St Charles like.author.displayName 1 Like

Danny,

That is so true. I think I was not thinking fully when I was commenting on this. I know it is going to help Aimee or Robert if they put this in their own blogs. That would most likely help Aimee more than Robert.

Search Engine Marketing St Charles
Search Engine Marketing St Charles

Talk is extremely dangerous on social media. But there is one aspect that a lot of people over look. We all have to realize with a comment like this what is going to happen. There are going to be thousands of links back to the thread that the argument took place on. And as all of us know links are amazing. I know Robert completely over reacted and Aimee has gained more respect. But Robert has benefited the most from this due to the mass volume of links. Now links are not everything and just because he will be found everywhere for this no one will ever like him and he has ultimately failed because of his own stupidity of wanting nothing but links.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@Search Engine Marketing St Charles That would be true if it wasn't on Facebook where it happened - the only one benefiting from any links would be Facebook.

Search Engine Marketing St Charles
Search Engine Marketing St Charles

Danny, That is so true. I think I was not thinking fully when I was commenting on this. I know it is going to help Aimee or Robert if they put this in their own blogs. That would most likely help Aimee more than Robert.

ExpatDoctorMom
ExpatDoctorMom like.author.displayName 1 Like

Thanks Danny! I echo @EricaAllison comments below. Well said, Erica!

At least he rectified it.

Being medical, and taking the hippocratic oath has made me all too aware that my behavior, actions and words are on display long before Social Media. Doesn't mean I won't mess up but I try to think about the wording so that it will generate debate and discussion instead of what just happened to Aimee.

Best,

Rajka

ExpatDoctorMom
ExpatDoctorMom

Thanks Danny! I echo @EricaAllison comments below. Well said, Erica! At least he rectified it. Being medical, and taking the hippocratic oath has made me all too aware that my behavior, actions and words are on display long before Social Media. Doesn't mean I won't mess up but I try to think about the wording so that it will generate debate and discussion instead of what just happened to Aimee. Best, Rajka

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@ExpatDoctorMom@EricaAllison So true, Rajka. I recall blogger Julien Smith writing about a diet that had worked for him, and encouraging others to try it. The problem is, Julien isn't a nutritionist and doesn't know the effect of the intense diet on others, based on age, sex, etc. Talk can be dangerous, and the web makes it doubly so.

EricaAllison
EricaAllison

Well, well, well. That really is a powerful lesson, isn't it? I can see lots of folks agree and some, well, don't. Fair enough. What I wonder about here is where is the civility? Why can't Aimee disagree without facing an unwarranted school boy taunt? Why can't Robert disagree back without sounding like a bully? Why do we then see a herd mentality to support the bully on the playground. This reminds me of lots of prepubescent boys, and in some cases, mean girls, who use this world as their virtual playground. Bad form. It's this sort of behavior that makes you want to find a new playground to play in, you know? Thanks, Danny.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@EricaAllison I hear you miss, and it's just one of the reasons I've either unfollowed or blocked many of the same group of people. Seems the "higher" you go, often the lower your standards become. Although in fairness to Robert, at least he apologized - now if only his online buddies would offer the same grace...

EricaAllison
EricaAllison like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Well, well, well. That really is a powerful lesson, isn't it? I can see lots of folks agree and some, well, don't. Fair enough.

What I wonder about here is where is the civility? Why can't Aimee disagree without facing an unwarranted school boy taunt? Why can't Robert disagree back without sounding like a bully?

Why do we then see a herd mentality to support the bully on the playground. This reminds me of lots of prepubescent boys, and in some cases, mean girls, who use this world as their virtual playground. Bad form. It's this sort of behavior that makes you want to find a new playground to play in, you know?

Thanks, Danny.

jureklepic
jureklepic

I was so hoping Facebook will launch with new look some additional buttons next to "like", something as: douchebag , ignorant MF and maybe asshole of the year (AOTY), they would be very useful sometimes. I don't agree with Robert's conduct and there is no excuse for it. Is simply rude and despicable. There is a simple "say think twice before you say it". He lost respect in me with his act. I know why so many people thinks that few published books, few conferences and a Ted talk gives you power. And 2 cents on comment of Adrienne. Yes Danny people are very shallow. I don't know why people think or who started the rule of follow back in first place. I follow people based on my interest. And if they dont follow me back well they dont. End of story, i am not going to jump of the twitter bridge for someone to follow me back. I think people just need to get over once and forever. Is this rude and arrogante thing some new trend in SM? Maybe Robert and few others could write a book on benefits of being an asshole on SM, i am sure they would do billions LOL :) or even do Ted Talk at least for once would be something good to listen to it :) Anyhow enough of my dirty minds, great post Danny as always.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@jureklepic Ha, funny you should mention these types of buttons, mate - part of Facebook's new design will be the ability to make buttons out of your text. So, essentially, you could create these buttons for moments like this. ;-)

jureklepic
jureklepic like.author.displayName 1 Like

I was so hoping Facebook will launch with new look some additional buttons next to "like", something as: douchebag , ignorant MF and maybe asshole of the year (AOTY), they would be very useful sometimes. I don't agree with Robert's conduct and there is no excuse for it. Is simply rude and despicable. There is a simple "say think twice before you say it". He lost respect in me with his act.

I know why so many people thinks that few published books, few conferences and a Ted talk gives you power.

And 2 cents on comment of Adrienne. Yes Danny people are very shallow. I don't know why people think or who started the rule of follow back in first place. I follow people based on my interest. And if they dont follow me back well they dont. End of story, i am not going to jump of the twitter bridge for someone to follow me back. I think people just need to get over once and forever.

Is this rude and arrogante thing some new trend in SM? Maybe Robert and few others could write a book on benefits of being an asshole on SM, i am sure they would do billions LOL :) or even do Ted Talk at least for once would be something good to listen to it :)

Anyhow enough of my dirty minds, great post Danny as always.

Leon
Leon

G'Day Danny, As you know, I'm fascinated by how dumb some internet marketers are. This is yet another example. Don't these people realize that they're running a business? Or are they just trying to make a name for themselves as blogosphere bullies? I'm just a humble{?} salesman. Have been for decades. Haven't noticed too many sales resulting from insulting people. And there are ways to state your opinion without demeaning others. As you know Danny, we Celts have been past masters at it for centuries! But I do have a question for you. Why can't anyone in North America spell ''arse?" I dunno. It's a bloody mystery! Remind all the a....holes that they're supposed to be having fun. Regards Leon

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@Leon You know, that's a great point (as usual), Leon. Like you say, the best way to "get at" someone is just by being great at what *you* do, and ignore what they're up to (for the most part, anyhoo). And yes - I should start using "arse" more, completely agree. :)

Leon
Leon like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

G'Day Danny,

As you know, I'm fascinated by how dumb some internet marketers are. This is yet another example. Don't these people realize that they're running a business? Or are they just trying to make a name for themselves as blogosphere bullies?

I'm just a humble{?} salesman. Have been for decades. Haven't noticed too many sales resulting from insulting people. And there are ways to state your opinion without demeaning others. As you know Danny, we Celts have been past masters at it for centuries!

But I do have a question for you. Why can't anyone in North America spell ''arse?"

I dunno. It's a bloody mystery!

Remind all the a....holes that they're supposed to be having fun.

Regards

Leon

EugeneFarber
EugeneFarber

So we're moving over to Bebo, right Danny? :)

Hajra
Hajra

It was very insulting. I mean now people shouldn't have views contrary to that guy to prove they have friends and family. Thanks to #*#%$ like him, little kids and grown up adults have social media nightmares. My plea - Social media is an all right thing, stop making it sound like a big bad world of ugly demons and desperate dudes out to attack all. Guys like you Robert are making it tougher for us girls to convince daddies that we aren't interacting with the wrong people. Please, you know how protective daddies are about their daughters; go ahead and make it tougher for us...eh? Now Aimee will have more fans than Robert could hope for.. so Robert, lesson learnt? Hold that tongue. And 17 people who liked it, really, there is a difference between smart and rude. Use your own brain, just because a "big shot" jerk said it, doesn't mean you should "like" it, that facebook button is for a reason, use it wisely before they take it all away.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@Hajra Not much to add here except awesome points all round, Hajra, and well said. Thanks, miss!

Hajra
Hajra like.author.displayName 1 Like

It was very insulting. I mean now people shouldn't have views contrary to that guy to prove they have friends and family. Thanks to #*#%$ like him, little kids and grown up adults have social media nightmares.

My plea - Social media is an all right thing, stop making it sound like a big bad world of ugly demons and desperate dudes out to attack all. Guys like you Robert are making it tougher for us girls to convince daddies that we aren't interacting with the wrong people. Please, you know how protective daddies are about their daughters; go ahead and make it tougher for us...eh?

Now Aimee will have more fans than Robert could hope for.. so Robert, lesson learnt? Hold that tongue. And 17 people who liked it, really, there is a difference between smart and rude. Use your own brain, just because a "big shot" jerk said it, doesn't mean you should "like" it, that facebook button is for a reason, use it wisely before they take it all away.

Jk Allen
Jk Allen like.author.displayName 1 Like

It's one thing to think something insulting...and it's another to actually allow yourself to say it...to me, it makes it look like a person has no self control when they speak to another person in such away.

I'm glad you create this post to call this cat out. But obviously, many others have spoken out as well to his arrogance.

Hope life is well Danny!

Jk Allen
Jk Allen

It's one thing to think something insulting...and it's another to actually allow yourself to say it...to me, it makes it look like a person has no self control when they speak to another person in such away. I'm glad you create this post to call this cat out. But obviously, many others have spoken out as well to his arrogance. Hope life is well Danny!

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@Jk Allen My grandma always told me I have one mouth and two ears for a reason - better to listen to sense as opposed to trying to speak it... ;-)

Justicewordlaw
Justicewordlaw

Ouch!!! He really stepped into the asshole circle on that one and I know I would just be in awe if any so called expert in a field were to respond to me in that way. Just as the thread stated above with skinnyjeans some people use different platforms for different reasons because that is what they like to use. I know I enjoy using Facebook and Twitter more than Google+ but that doesn't mean my family of 20+ doesn't exist at all. Yeah, this was just a WOW moment.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@Justicewordlawskinnyjeans Exactly, mate - just because you or I might think Google+ is the greatest thing since sliced bread, doesn't mean we need to force feed that view down everyone else's. And, ironically enough, if you tend to be respectful about disagreement, you tend to find more people will be willing to check you out. Funny how that works... ;-)

Justicewordlaw
Justicewordlaw like.author.displayName 1 Like

Ouch!!! He really stepped into the asshole circle on that one and I know I would just be in awe if any so called expert in a field were to respond to me in that way. Just as the thread stated above with @skinnyjeans some people use different platforms for different reasons because that is what they like to use. I know I enjoy using Facebook and Twitter more than Google+ but that doesn't mean my family of 20+ doesn't exist at all. Yeah, this was just a WOW moment.

Danny Brown
Danny Brown moderator

@Justicewordlaw@skinnyjeans Exactly, mate - just because you or I might think Google+ is the greatest thing since sliced bread, doesn't mean we need to force feed that view down everyone else's.

And, ironically enough, if you tend to be respectful about disagreement, you tend to find more people will be willing to check you out. Funny how that works... ;-)

margieclayman
margieclayman

is it my sinus infection or the online world that is causing my eyes to roll back into my head? So hard to tell these days. Let's see. Stream of consciousness responses as I read this and the comments. 1. Sexism runs rampant in the online world. I wonder if the same response would have been given to a man. Just a question. 2. If I could make it through one day in the online world without seeing the word a-hole or d-bag, I'd be frickin' ecstatic. 3. Nobody looks good in these kinds of scenarios. I can't find any other way to say it. And no @danperezfilms it's not just that I want people to get along. It's that people acting stupid really irritates me, especially when I know they know better. It doesn't take any real skill to call people out, call people names, tell people they're friendless, or do any of the other crap I see online on a daily basis. It's a waste of time, energy, and my eyesight. It's boring and pathetic. To put it plainly, it makes me sick. Literally. I keep puking all over my keyboard, and that's getting really gross and hard to clean. 4. Why aren't we talking about the fact that Einstein's theory of relativity may be wrong? Talk about an A-lister having to deal with a PR crisis - and this guy is deceased! How is THAT gonna work? As they say on Twitter, #thatisall

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@margieclayman@danperezfilms Oh, it's definitely your sinus, Margie. ;-) The problem is, even if you try and filter out all you don't want to see, there will always be someone you're connected to that will be speaking about it. Hard to avoid - especially with so many rampant examples around... ;-)

margieclayman
margieclayman like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 3 Like

is it my sinus infection or the online world that is causing my eyes to roll back into my head? So hard to tell these days.

Let's see. Stream of consciousness responses as I read this and the comments.

1. Sexism runs rampant in the online world. I wonder if the same response would have been given to a man. Just a question.

2. If I could make it through one day in the online world without seeing the word a-hole or d-bag, I'd be frickin' ecstatic.

3. Nobody looks good in these kinds of scenarios. I can't find any other way to say it. And no @danperezfilms it's not just that I want people to get along. It's that people acting stupid really irritates me, especially when I know they know better. It doesn't take any real skill to call people out, call people names, tell people they're friendless, or do any of the other crap I see online on a daily basis. It's a waste of time, energy, and my eyesight. It's boring and pathetic. To put it plainly, it makes me sick. Literally. I keep puking all over my keyboard, and that's getting really gross and hard to clean.

4. Why aren't we talking about the fact that Einstein's theory of relativity may be wrong? Talk about an A-lister having to deal with a PR crisis - and this guy is deceased! How is THAT gonna work?

As they say on Twitter, #thatisall

AdrienneSmith
AdrienneSmith

Wow Danny, assholes are everywhere. I had something happen to me a couple weeks back. I joined a tribe on a Wednesday and on Friday was the topic of a very ugly post calling me unsocial because I didn't immediately follow someone on that tribe in Twitter. I had so many people come to my defense on that one as well because it was totally out of line. If you wanted me to follow you all you have to do is ask. Instead, he took the low road and bashed me openly. Oh, did I mention that he closed the comments on his post too! No way for me to reply to this either. In the end, he's the one who was hurt more over his actions then me. The people who follow me and know me online didn't believe a thing that came out of his mouth. It still boggles my mind how mean some people can be for no reason at all. It sounds like to me that plenty of people admire and like Aimee as well. She had a lot of support. It is good that Robert finally got around to apologizing but he should have done it on the original post. I definitely agree with that. As I have learned myself, this too shall pass.

DannyBrown
DannyBrown

@AdrienneSmith Wow, that's kinda crazy and sad at the same time, Adrienne. Who cares if you follow someone back, or say "Hi", or retweet? Are we really that shallow that reciprocity is normal, otherwise you get jumped on? To anyone with that mindset - get a life. Please.

AdrienneSmith
AdrienneSmith like.author.displayName 1 Like

Wow Danny, assholes are everywhere.

I had something happen to me a couple weeks back. I joined a tribe on a Wednesday and on Friday was the topic of a very ugly post calling me unsocial because I didn't immediately follow someone on that tribe in Twitter. I had so many people come to my defense on that one as well because it was totally out of line. If you wanted me to follow you all you have to do is ask. Instead, he took the low road and bashed me openly. Oh, did I mention that he closed the comments on his post too! No way for me to reply to this either.

In the end, he's the one who was hurt more over his actions then me. The people who follow me and know me online didn't believe a thing that came out of his mouth. It still boggles my mind how mean some people can be for no reason at all.

It sounds like to me that plenty of people admire and like Aimee as well. She had a lot of support. It is good that Robert finally got around to apologizing but he should have done it on the original post. I definitely agree with that.

As I have learned myself, this too shall pass.

Danny Brown
Danny Brown moderator

@AdrienneSmith Wow, that's kinda crazy and sad at the same time, Adrienne. Who cares if you follow someone back, or say "Hi", or retweet? Are we really that shallow that reciprocity is normal, otherwise you get jumped on?

To anyone with that mindset - get a life. Please.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Lessons From An Asshole & How They Help Brands in Social Media When Robert Scoble insulted Aimee Giese on Facebook, it showed how we are always on display. So what social media lessons can we take from the exchange? Source: dannybrown.me [...]

  2. [...] guess you could also include people like Danny Brown, Gini Dietrich, Mark Schaefer, and Naomi Dunford. [...]

  3. [...] read about Robert’s flaming comment in Danny Brown‘s post, Lessons from an Asshole. I was attracted to the blog’s title because it seemed out of the norm for Danny. The content [...]

  4. [...] Lessons From An Asshole Wow. This is just a great lesson of “think twice before saying things”. I would definitely hit the “ignorant” button if Facebook offers that. Scoble has definitely lost respect in a lot of his audiences. The ironic thing is that was supposed to be an open discussion that he posted, but yet he cannot stand a dissenting comment. It is also another lesson for us to gain some perspective on social media usage: be careful of what you put on and things that you say. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. ← My Feud with Charter [...]


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