Serve Yourself. Ain’t Nobody Gonna Do For You




Serve yourself

This is a guest post by Marjorie Clayman.

A few years back, Yoko Ono released a comprehensive anthology of tapes that John Lennon had left behind. It’s a treasure trove of songs, some that you would know right away and others that he hadn’t yet gotten finished.

One of the latter is a song with the blog title as the chorus. It is, of course, acerbic and hilarious, as one might expect from John Lennon.

This song popped into my head the other day as I was thinking about the world of social media.

I am finding more and more that social media is like the ocean, and it has tides that can carry you out or bring you back in.

These tides can be ways of doing things (or not doing things), ways of thinking about people, ways of presenting yourself, and just about everything else. You meet a person who knows a person who’s connected to a person and they’re all of a like mind, so you float in with them. Then you meet other people and they pull you in a different direction.

Pretty soon, if you’re not careful, you can actually lose your footing and just become a piece of driftwood in this restless sea.

The sad fact of the matter, as you discover as you start treading water here in the online world, is that most people have some sort of agenda, and their ability to influence you towards that agenda is what makes social media extremely powerful.

Maybe a person wants you to think poorly of another person because they are competitive with that person. Maybe someone else wants you to avoid certain things because, really, they’re worried you’d be better than them.

You never really know the full story. You never know when the sea floor will randomly drop, pulling you under.

That’s why you need to follow John Lennon’s advice, online and offline.

It’s easy, very easy, to fall in with a crowd. It’s how we gain acceptance. It’s how we feel part of a group, or to use the oft-used online term, “tribe.” Thinking for yourself or remaining unaffiliated can be really exhausting. There are so many decisions to make on a daily basis. There is so much content to sift through, so many viewpoints to evaluate.

But you have to serve yourself.

Nobody else is going to gear your towards things that will always 100% be for your own good. You have to achieve yourself, too, because ain’t nobody gonna do for you. You can talk to people, you can befriend people, and you can listen to everybody. But don’t let yourself become that piece of driftwood.

Serve yourself. Ain’t nobody gonna do for you.

Truer words were never spoken.

Margie ClaymanAbout the author: Marjorie Clayman works for her family-owned agency, Clayman Advertising, Inc., where she represents the third generation! Margie is the resident blogger at MargieClayman.com, and can be found on Twitter at @MargieClayman

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girlygrizzly 74 pts

Margie,

Wow. Fence Riding is another force that tries to draw you... I will be who I say I am. I don't remember who said that, it stained my brain when I heard it, sometime after February. I will not quit (Marcus!), I will not stop learning and trying to be better than I am today, I will continue to hope someday I will have a positive impact or help someone or be able to share something very important with someone waiting for me to share it. ~As I have been impacted, helped, inspired and taught.

People such as yourself. Such as Danny Brown. Erica Allison. Marcus Sheridan. So many many others. Give so much of yourselves, your knowledge, your experience... to perfect strangers every single day. We speak of community, but I think it's even bigger than that. I will be true to myself. At times, when I wonder if it is only emotion, and not sense, I know now there are so many people I can ask.

I do not believe becoming this "driftwood" is an accident. We not only allow it to take us over, we swim towards it. I will not choose this. (I learned in the Navy that yes, you can and will sweat IN the water!)

~Thank you for sharing this, this way.

~Amber-Lee

EricaAllison 1190 pts

Love this post, Margie. I see it happen quite a bit...bump into many a piece of driftwood out there in my own journey to find my footing and keep it! It is indeed easy to get pulled out to see and never see shore again. If I feel that happen, I check out for a bit. Take a few moments in the 'real world' and then venture back in to find my way and feel once again, like I'm serving myself! :)

My latest conversation: Would You Invest in This?

Marcus_Sheridan 604 pts

Dang Marjorie, I love the way you put words together. Seriously. This was great, and boy was it ever sound advice. I see so much driftwood out there at times. Heck, I don't think most folks have any idea that's even the case. But it is.

Fact is, we can have online friends, great friends, and not lose ourselves in the process.

Keep doing what you do Marjorie!

Marcus

danperezfilms 128 pts

This is what social media has done to our brains. We now need someone to remind us to "Serve yourself. Ain’t nobody gonna do for you." Oy.

Well, after reading this post, being a piece of driftwood in a restless sea suddenly doesn't sound so bad...

Margie: I know, "Meany head!"

Danny: I know, "F*ck off, Perez."

DannyBrown 2790 pts moderator

danperezfilms Nah - I wouldn't have asterixed it... ;-)

My latest conversation: 5 Days to Turn Your Blog Into a Social Media Hub – Day 2: Decluttering

margieclayman 517 pts

DannyBrown Boy, the riff-raff you let comment here...=p cc danperezfilms

margieclayman 517 pts

danperezfilms I don't think you read the post, mistah man.

You are as far away from driftwood as one could get.

And yes, people do need reminding. If I didn't have my own inner compass, I'd be highly influenced by your innate ability to be a meany head (TM). :)

What's that favorite saying of you and Mr. Brown? Haters gonna hate? 'Cept I know you think I'm kinda squishy, Dan. I'm on to you :)

DannyBrown 2790 pts moderator

margieclaymandanperezfilms Oh, we're completely against that saying, miss - we're probably the haters of the "haters gonna hate" brigade. Along with "critics gonna crit" and "Bargers gonna barge".

Wait - that last one is for somewhere else. ;-)

My latest conversation: 5 Days to Turn Your Blog Into a Social Media Hub – Day 2: Decluttering

danperezfilms 128 pts

DannyBrownmargieclayman Wankers gonna wank :)

margieclayman 517 pts

DannyBrowndanperezfilms yeah, I know. I was being facetious :) Or a meany. Darn, I am influenced by Dan!!

danperezfilms 128 pts

margieclayman Blogging is just becoming a repetition of the obvious. Have we really become that dense? Further signs that the end of the world is nigh...

Drifters gonna drift.

margieclayman 517 pts

danperezfilms Sorry I bore you, Dan. But Margies are gonna Margie :)

SocialMediaDDS 531 pts

Wow margieclayman this is really a provocative post. I absolutely love the analogy of the ocean and the tide....it really struck a chord with me. I go in waves (ha ha ) with social media and the blogosphere. I read blogs voraciously whenever I have time...blogs that tell me this or preach about that or suggest something else. Sometimes I have huge "ah ha" moments and sometimes I just feel overwhelmed. I learn in baby steps and each day I feel that I have gained more insight if not more confusion. But here's what I DO know. At the end of the day, it is all about me. Not "me" in the selfish egocentric sense of "me" but rather the "me" who defines who I am. So, I can read, digest and regurgitate all of the information that I take in each day but, I will only "wear" that which becomes me. My husband always tells me that everything that we do, we do for ourselves. Early on in our relationship, I used to argue with him about that. I couldn't even begin to fathom that people were so self centered that everything that they did was ultimately for themselves. What about the "do-gooders" ...what about the altruistic people I would counter? And, with time, I began to understand. It is true...everything we do, we DO do for ourselves. And, if in the process, you create some goodness and kindness for others, so much the better. What a great post Margie.... I just love the way you write. I always look forward to a good "think" when I read your posts! And thank you DannyBrown for your wise choice for a guest blogger ;-)

Claudia

margieclayman 517 pts

SocialMediaDDS Thanks Claudia. How lovely to see you here :) I so appreciate your constant words of encouragement!!

Yes, we are all apt to be self-centered, but sometimes that gets taken to a point where we expect everyone else to be us-centered too, and that can really cause problems, not to mention an overriding sense of disappointment! :)

BrandonPDuncan 22 pts

I know I'm about to lose a friend, but I know nothing of Lennon or Yoko (other than teasing about her voice...). ;) What I DO know is that a few months ago, you were telling ME that I was popping up all over the place. Look at the shoe the other foot wears, huh? You're everywhere these days!

Anyway, this is yet another example of the reason I dig you, Margie. Always bringing something to the table. It's funny, I feel like I have done everything backwards in social media. I tested too many things before I got established. I added content to my blog that should never have been there. I didn't follow or unfollow properly. Now, I am exactly where you are talking about. The "me" time.

Looks like I am going to do more mistake making also. I'm turning my little old daddy blog into a conglomerate, starting a writing community, and working on a joint site with someone close to me. What am I giving up to spend so much "me" time? Writing for other much more notable sites on a regular basis, not watching my 'competitions' sites, and basically just forging onward with an unquenchable thirst. I'm crazy. I've got to be.

Question for you (and Danny also) - you mentioned people not checking things about because they are worried someone is better at it than them. I believe this concept is true, but have either of you seen this? Is it really THAT common?

My latest conversation: googlepostcard

margieclayman 517 pts

BrandonPDuncan You definitely are crazy. This has never been a question.

I always like to see how I am doing in comparison with other people, but I don't let it destroy me or give me a big head. The numbers are good for benchmarks but the real stuff I go by is how people are responding to me, and that really doesn't have anything to do with other people unless they have found me because of other people, or because they're abandoning some people and are looking for new ones. Social Media is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash. If you keep looking around to see where you are, you'll end up slowing down. Or so sayeth me, anyway ;)

BrandonPDuncan 22 pts

margieclayman That makes sense. I never liked the quick sprints in business. Seems kinda shady. I wonder if people will ever stop trying to sell snake oil and concentrate on on quality, long lasting stuff? Probably not.

I agree with you though. In my case, I may not get a lot of responses, but the ones I do get put a big smile on my face. It makes the work worth it.

My latest conversation: googlepostcard

Leon 151 pts

G'Day Marjorie,

Thanks for such an interesting post. I've been preaching about "Enlightened Self- Interest" for managers for some years. One particular area is staff performance. Managers need to learn that the better they are at ensuring that staff are completely competent to look after all the day to day running of the business, the more time they'll have to manage the business. That's one example of "Enlightened Self Interest."

But, as you say, no one's going to do that for managers. They have to organize it themselves.

Regards

Leon

margieclayman 517 pts

Leon Great point, Leon. This lesson can be particularly hard for managers because some take it to the other extreme. They feel like they have to do everything and can't delegate at all. They want to serve themselves, their employees, the janitorial staff, and anyone else who might walk in the door. There is a happy medium somewhere around here :)

melaudette 5 pts

@margieclayman your writing style is refreshing. Thanks! In reflecting on your post, it reminded me of early on telling everyone how nice and kind I was finding the Twitterverse. Duh, it is because of who I was following. We choose the cocktail party (our stream). If we don't like the mix-up, then we just change it up and listen to who we want. Bye. I'm going to imagine all the people loving all the world now.

margieclayman 517 pts

melaudette Yes, I was also really shocked at how lovely everyone was in the online world when I first started out. It seemed a bit like a fantasy world, right? Then you realize there are real ding-dongs out there. So, it's how you deal with the ding-dongs that helps you define that world of yours. I choose not to let the ding-dongs or anti-ding-dongs (ADD?) bring me down :)

barryrsilver 133 pts

margieclayman what a great made so much greater by the reference to John Lennon and the fact that Yoko found the tapes and was not singing on the tapes. It is an absolute truth that if I don't know my own mind, I will inevitably wind up doing someone else bidding, much to my detriment. What do they say about opinions being like noses, everybody has one (maybe it was another body part). Be confident in the opinions I/you choose to express. It would be a shame to be called a nose on behalf of someone elses opinion.

margieclayman 517 pts

barryrsilver Oh Barry - leave it to you to trash Yoko! I think she got a bad rap and did the best she could.

You raise a great point of course. As the tide changes on various thoughts and opinions, you'll find yourself defending how you do things or why you do things. It's much easier to do defend things you truly believe in versus something you're doing or feeling just cuz other people say you should. And hey, I'm all about making life easier :)

CouponDivaOne 10 pts

this is a very insightful post - margieclayman knows what she's talking about..... :)

margieclayman 517 pts

CouponDivaOne Well I don't know that we want to go that far, but I try not to talk out of my rear too often :)

adamtoporek 446 pts

I do like the message here margieclayman I think it is possible to be part of a tribe or group and still think independently. It just takes self-awareness and the presence of mind to take a step back before reacting. Most of the blog "drama" we've seen in the past few months started with some very valid disagreements about actions or ideas -- unfortunately, they quickly devolved into something uglier. And the tribal pull you speak about is a big part of that.

We all have to chart our own course and to know when the pull from outside supports or hinders our journey.

margieclayman 517 pts

adamtoporek Exactly right, Adam. The online world is very much like high school. You see a group of people who you feel are sort of aligned with you, you start talking to them, and because humans innately want to fit in, we think, "Oh, well, this group doesn't like that person, so maybe I shouldn't either." It's very easy to lose track of what you *actually* think versus what you are being influenced to think (there's that darned I word again).

Being anti-social is not the answer, but maintaining your own persona amongst many is what really helps you keep on a path you'll remain happy with. Or at least that's how I see it :)

bdorman264 1944 pts

I hear ya and I've been that driftwood. It took me awhile to be comfortable charting my own course, and still have a ways to go because I still see things that make me ask 'why'. However, I am a lot closer to shutting out the noise and just keeping my head down.

I am a relationship person and the hardest thing for me at times is just letting go. I hate to see some of these people go by the wayside but I have the attitude now that you know where to find me and I know where to find you and if it was meant to be it will be. The only thing I can control is me so if I take care of what I need to be taking care of everything will work out just fine.

I assume I have some type of agenda as we all do to a certain degree, but whatever mine is it is still pretty nebulous and I'm ok with just being your bud and celebrating your successes; no more, no less. I don't want it to be too complicated.

That's probably all I have to offer today, hopefully I stayed on topic but it's all about me anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter, right?...........:)

margieclayman 517 pts

bdorman264 Sorry Bill. I wasn't listening. I was thinking about me. :)

You are right - most of us probably have an agenda of one kind or another. My agenda is to try to get along with everybody and to encourage people not quibble over dumb stuff or to take it all too seriously. It's a complex agenda. One might even say a boring agenda. But it's mine nonetheless. If I influence people positively or negatively, all I can do is hope that it's for the positive and not the latter.

I have seen some people become driftwood over the last few months. Their loyalties changed as they befriended new people, and it concerns me. We must stick to our gut, even online, right?

Thanks. You rock as always :)

HowieSPM 2357 pts

Very well put margieclayman ! I have a bleeding heart. I feel I should save others. It is why I go aggro over deception or bias or people getting fleeced for money. I forget it is up to those deceived to decide who to listen too and maybe I should just focus on me and those that are receptive to honesty and my vision. But then there is the other side of me...who when those people I try to save them complain to me why did I let this happen to them. And I get cold and kind of don't care. Not outwardly. Inside I feel hurt first for them not listening, second for them not being accountable. But I think if I had a positive way of helping them to realize they have to serve themself I would act differently. And if I served myself better maybe I wouldn't try to serve others like I do and have less of these moments.

margieclayman 517 pts

HowieSPM There's a lot that you're saying there, Howie. In the online world especially, it's hard to stand by while people are being treated badly or while people are treating others badly. I don't think that the song advises that you can't try to serve others - I think it just means that we all need to take more responsibility for ourselves, because we know that most other people put themselves first. It is sort of a cold hard look at the world. But I think it's sadly pretty accurate :)

Nic_Cartwright 56 pts

Heh Margie - good read. I am not a huge music officianado myself but always enjoy (and understand) your musical analogies.

margieclayman 517 pts

Nic_Cartwright Well I'm terribly glad to hear that, Nic. I'd be bummed if you couldn't connect with them :)

DudeOfTheHouse 5 pts

Of course it was another great musical poet, Robert Zimmerman, who said:

"Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, But you’re gonna have to serve somebody".

Lennon's tune was actually a response to Dylan's. So just like those two great writers, like all the voices online, there is a major difference of opinion. Whoever you listen to will greatly affect your world view.

JJ – The Dude

dudeofthehouse.blogspot.com

http://www.facebook.com/TheDudeOfTheHouse

Twitter: dudeofthehouse

margieclayman 517 pts

DudeOfTheHouse Hi JJ, neat connection! I think the Lennon song has a different meaning though. He's not saying you won't have to serve somebody else. Rather, it's a lamentation that so many people feel other people have to do stuff for them. Dylan's song to me is more about what will guide your actions, regardless of who you are serving.

TheJackB 1530 pts

I think that is one of the axioms of life- you have to be your own advocate.

My latest conversation: Your Blog Bores Me

margieclayman 517 pts

TheJackB Well said, Jack. It carries through all walks of life. He was a smart dude :)

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  2. [...] Serve Yourself. Ain’t Nobody Gonna Do For You Can the words of a rarely-heard John Lennon song show us the way in social media? Margie Clayman thinks so, in this guest post. Source: dannybrown.me [...]